The Spiritual Grind
Dr. Jenni PhD,RN,CHLC,CH and medium and Rev. James ORD, MhsB have spent countless years studying and practicing many modalities within the "Spiritual" domain. Dr. Jenni has dedicated her life to helping others by attending countless schools and developing each of her practices and strategies. Rev. James has studied many modalities and Native American practices and they have Both decided to open their library of knowledge to share this information with everyone in a down to earth style, with hope to assist in making your journey easier and more abundant.
The Spiritual Grind
Power Without Pedestals: Rewriting The Healer’s Job Description
Ever feel like you’re carrying everyone else’s life around with you? We dig into the hidden “fixer” habit that drains healers, coaches, empaths, and caring friends—and we offer a cleaner, kinder alternative that actually works. The heart of our take: you don’t heal other people. You help them remember how to heal themselves, and you do it by offering permission slips—simple tools and practices that make it safe for them to choose change.
We unpack why pedestal thinking (stones, sessions, gurus) creates dependency and burnout, and how reframing your role to observer and facilitator frees both sides. You’ll hear how to spot when you’re creating stories that trigger your own emotions, why that’s different from “absorbing” someone else’s pain, and how to choose tools that match the person’s beliefs so they can feel their own power. Then we get practical: boundaries that hold, consequences you actually enforce, and a clear line between judgment and self-respect. Boundaries aren’t about telling people how to live; they’re about how you live inside your bubble.
We also explore the difference between being tired and being done. Tired explains and negotiates; done is calm, clear, and willing to accept the cost of peace. One host shares a candid personal story of cutting ties with a toxic family dynamic and finding real relief on the other side—no drama, no apologies, just conviction. If you’ve been stuck in hero mode, this conversation offers a reset: less rescuing, more reminding; fewer emotional hangovers, more presence and energy.
If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend who over-gives, and leave a review so others can find the show. Your support helps us keep creating honest, useful conversations that protect your energy and elevate your work.
https://app.themerccenters.org/practitioner-onboarding
Good morning, everybody. Welcome back to the spiritual grind. Good morning. Pardon the rubbing on the microphone. We have a we have a cat in our lap.
SPEAKER_03:We have the producer in the house.
SPEAKER_00:I know she wants to be crappy.
SPEAKER_03:No, our paw's stuck, and she thinks I'm trying to move her or something.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, okay. Well, good morning, everybody. Welcome back to the spiritual ground. We appreciate you're here.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, welcome back.
SPEAKER_00:We're there here listening, believe it or not. We hit all new levels of downloads last month that we've never hit.
SPEAKER_03:Nice.
SPEAKER_00:I'd be curious to see what this month does.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. You mean February?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Going into February.
SPEAKER_00:No, I mean January, by the end of January.
SPEAKER_03:Oh yeah, because we're down to the last few days of this month.
SPEAKER_00:I'll be curious to see what the monthly numbers are because everything's up. We've been we're up about uh 70% on downloads.
SPEAKER_03:Across the board or for this last month? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:It's been a pretty good one.
SPEAKER_03:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00:So I have a good topic for today. Do you have a topic?
SPEAKER_03:Do tell. No, I usually just try to come open-minded and uh you know me. I'll talk about anything.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I'll just channel it in. Most people find it interesting that I I guess am more of an impromptu kind of person. Yeah. Like I I don't want the script beforehand. Yeah, she she never does, by the way. I always bring it. I don't necessarily even want a whole lot of information when I'm working with clients.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Um, unless they just feel like they want to conversate about it to give the energy somewhere to have an outlet.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. You know, uh for almost two years now, I've been asking every podcast, do you have a topic today? And I think that I can remember once that you had the topic.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, only just a couple of times when I'm very passionate about a certain topic that I feel like needs to be talked about. Conversation. Yeah. I kind of go into that uh collective place, and if there's not really anything pressure or the topic you bring is not gonna touch on it, then I just kind of let it go. And I definitely am one who prefers to just channel the information. It actually feels like it's an easier way of life than to humanly think through the information.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, like today's thing is it's for me, it's a I wouldn't uh I debated on two different topics.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, maybe we can intertwine them.
SPEAKER_00:Well, when I was in the shower, I was thinking about this one thing that is big in our world, in our tribe.
SPEAKER_03:Oh god. And naked in the shower, thinking about this one thing that's big in our tribe.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. I'm gonna leave it there.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I would leave it there. And that is metaphysicians, people that live in our world. Yeah, we have a tendency to take on other people's crap.
SPEAKER_03:Say more.
SPEAKER_00:Say for example, we have somebody in our that that comes in our world and they bring negativity to us, and and but we're saying I mean, like the example that I have in my head.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And what brought it up this morning was a conversation we had this morning, but it wasn't about that person, it was about the previous person.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:And what in my world allowed me to bring those issues into my life. I didn't bring it in. The other person brought it in. But I accepted it. And then I tried to take it on my own and and help him.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But why did I do that? Because I noticed that trend in people in our tribe because we're loving and caring. We want people to feel the way we feel and and live the life that we live. We uh we allow the negative, like we want the positive, right? But we allow the negative and then we try to fix the problems. And why do we do that as metaphysicians? I know a lot of people a lot of the people that I've met in this world now for years do the same thing. They take it upon themselves to fix other people.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Why?
SPEAKER_03:Is that rhetorical?
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, you're asking.
SPEAKER_00:I'm asking you what your input is on that.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which for sure.
SPEAKER_00:In turn, by the way, you got your PhD in a metaphysical topic, so you can help people.
SPEAKER_03:Right, yeah. No, that's right. But what what I think we have to understand as healers, practitioners, and metaphysicians is we're not actually doing the healing.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:What's actually taking place is that we are helping the person remember that they're doing their own healing. We're just helping them refind the vibrational frequency so they can recalibrate their own system and bring back online their own healing. Everybody does their own healing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:The different people that you come across in your path, we call practitioners and healers, the different modalities that people bring into their daily regimen, excuse me, are uh essentially just permission slips that you covertly are giving yourself to make it okay to be healthy. Okay. And if you don't understand the concept deeply, then you'll think that it's the stone making you feel better. You'll think that it's the uh energy work that's making you feel better, you'll think that it's the healer that's making you feel better, and that that's how gurus get created in people's minds. That's how people get put on pedestals because they think that that person or thing has actually come in and healed them.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And that's not what's happening at all.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:It's basically the um You're taking this deep.
SPEAKER_00:I can already tell.
SPEAKER_03:It's basically the encoded permission slip to give the person a loophole to heal through, because most people don't understand and aren't yet recognizing how powerful of an individual they are. So let's take it down scientific real quick, and I'll give you a little scientific blip. Okay. If you uh explore physics, they literally make the statement that there's enough energy in the human body to run the planet, for example. I don't remember exactly what that whether it was a planet or the whole city of New York or what, but a pretty substantial area to run that area, a pretty large area, with just the energy that we have in in our body. So if we're that powerful, then we we can heal ourselves, and we do. That's essentially what's happening.
SPEAKER_00:And then the stone in the presence theory is kind of like the yawn theory. You know, when one person yawns, everybody yawns.
SPEAKER_03:Say more.
SPEAKER_00:Like you're talking about, like when they have a stone in their presence and th and they think that the stone is what's doing their healing, it's really their higher self or whatever doing the healing. But but that doesn't answer the question of why as do us as humans and metaphysicians, metaphysicians facilitate them bringing negativity into our world just so we can fix it.
SPEAKER_03:Right. So I'm getting there.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, I'm sorry that I interrupt.
SPEAKER_03:Right, because the fixer syndrome or the fixer mentality is is what's tripping up the system. Yeah. You're not fixing anybody.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And so until you get to a place where you realize that you're not fixing anyone, you're gonna keep being shown that and be mirrored that in your reality of more things that you have to fix because that's a belief pattern that you're running in your own blueprint, is that I am the fixer, I'm the healer, I'm the practitioner, and I gotta fix this person because they've come to me asking to be fixed.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:So when you get to a place where you realize I'm not the fixer, I am the frequency reminder that they're actually fixing themselves, and you release that out of your belief systems, then the expectation of you having to fix people or being expected by your own self to fix somebody, it will feel different. Those people will still show up because you're the one that's to remind them of the frequency that they're looking for, but they'll show up and it won't feel like you're looking at it from a perspective of why are they bringing me their negative stuff? And I felt so moved and motivated to do XYZ. They bring you their stuff, you're looking at it and helping them put in place potential permission slips or modalities that will circumvent the belief they have in place because they're not at a point yet where you can say to them, listen, you're gonna fix yourself. I am just gonna help you find the frequency of that of doing that. Because a lot of times when you say that, they've got that concept covered up so deeply with self-esteem issues or confidence issues or not being able to recognize their own power that they won't be able to hear that statement by itself.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:So what you're doing as a healer is you're you're listening to, and you may not even realize as healers, you may not even realize that this is what you're doing. You're listening to their stories, you're listening to their conversation, and you're finding out what modalities might speak to them based on what they're doing. It's very similar to what, like, I'll take you for an example, being in sales when we were managing the apartment complexes, and you had someone come in, you find out what the must-haves are, right, and then you sell them on the must-haves, and you soften the I don't want. So you're basically finding what permission slip can I resonate with with them to get them to see that the product I have actually will benefit them.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Right? So as a healer, as a practitioner, as a metaphysician, you're basically you're going in and you're listening to what modality, what things can I bring into their world for them to try that they may resonate with that gives them a permission slip to get out of their own way, out of their own monkey mind, to bring in that empowerment of healing themselves so they can actually feel, see, hear the frequency of their natural state of being of healing themselves. They just miscategorize it as, oh my God, I went and had a session with James and I walked away feeling so amazing, and my whole reality has now changed. They don't realize that they did it. You just helped them find the frequency of it by working through tools, techniques, modalities that resonated with them that they could hear and and would listen to.
SPEAKER_00:So you're saying that when we take on things, or what what I'm viewing as taking on things is just facilitating.
SPEAKER_03:Well, yeah, you're facilitating on the back end of things. Okay. But the reason it's showing up in your reality as why did this person come into my reality and their negative garbage come with them?
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:That's because your perspective is that you're a fixer.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And so the universe says, okay, you've got a you've got a belief in place that says, I gotta fix everybody's crap. And that's what the definition of being a healer, metaphysician, or practitioner looks like for you. You have it defined that people bring me their garbage and I fix it for them. And as long as you have that in place, the universe is gonna say, okay, well, here's someone else with their garbage bag full of crap that you're gonna need to fix.
SPEAKER_00:So, you know, I went down this rabbit hole in the shower with myself.
SPEAKER_03:Did you drown?
SPEAKER_00:No.
SPEAKER_03:Is that because you took your floaties in with you?
SPEAKER_00:You know, no, my fat stomach kept me from going down the drain.
SPEAKER_03:That's a dig at me, y'all. Because this morning, let me take you down this quick trip. This morning, my loving husband and I were talking about insulin and sugar and all of that. And I said, Well, when the insulin doesn't have anything to do, it's just kind of stockpiles. And he said, Well, where does it go? And I pointed at his belly with a mild gesture of my hand around his midsection, and I said, Well, it goes into the fat.
SPEAKER_00:And he So, what would y'all think about that? Was it that's that was 100% pointing right directly at my at my my fat stomach and labeling it fat.
SPEAKER_03:No. And and so no, I was pointing in that part of your body because that's where most of the fat storage pockets live on everybody.
SPEAKER_01:Clean it up now.
SPEAKER_03:So that's why he made that dig.
SPEAKER_00:But anyway, so when I was in the shower to go down this rabbit hole in my mind, I was thinking to myself, what is the benefit to myself? Why did I do why do I do that? Why, you know, because like the FBI and those kind of people and people in crime, they're actually a personality disorder that they label as the hero syndrome.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Because like, you know, like the firefighters that that uh set fires, uh, the the firefighters, they you know, they'll set fires just to put them out just so they can be the hero. Or uh paramedics and nurses have have been and doctors have been uh you know, there's been a whole lot of cases in the world that were they make people sick just so they can make them heal, just so they can heal them.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I lived that story.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I know. I remember that story. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:But I didn't personally, I wasn't the person, but it worked side by side by somebody.
SPEAKER_00:That was doing that.
SPEAKER_03:That was doing that.
SPEAKER_00:Holy cow, I just burped that black seed oil. Oh my god. Yeah. That burned. Anyway, black seed oils make you burn. Just so you know.
SPEAKER_03:Burning down the house.
SPEAKER_00:But and so I'm thinking to myself, I mean, is that a form us allowing this to happen and us going through the you know, facilitating the healing?
SPEAKER_03:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_00:Um, but why do we have it because I'm talking on a different level than what you're talking about. I get it. I get it spiritually. I understand what you're saying.
SPEAKER_02:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:But us as humans, we will, you know, we will go through the in our own mind when somebody brings problems to us, we go through the story in our mind. That's what we do. We do that a lot. Did was that your phone?
SPEAKER_03:I'm trying to ignore it so I don't have to put money in the jar. I was like, oh my God, it's gonna just keep going and he's gonna recognize it. He hasn't said anything yet.
SPEAKER_00:Dang it. And uh it's no button to do that.
SPEAKER_03:That jar's getting quite heavy.
SPEAKER_00:I know, right? That's like three in a row you've done that on.
SPEAKER_03:That jar is getting very heavy.
SPEAKER_00:I'm a good boy, mine's all turned down.
SPEAKER_03:If we went and exchanged that jar, there'd probably be a couple hundred dollars in there. Because sometimes I can edit it out, but sometimes I can't. So we'll see what happens.
SPEAKER_00:And so sometimes, or what I'm talking about is is you know, the different level because we will go through the story in our conscious mind and put ourselves in the spot that they're in. And when we get to that spot, we have a tendency to take on the feelings and the emotions, and and we as human beings, and we're we're emotional beings, is what we do. But when you create a story in the sub in the conscious mind, we are taking on that emotions and that feelings behind it.
SPEAKER_03:Let me ask you a question. Are you taking on the emotions from that being, or is that experience stimulating an emotion within you? How do you know the difference?
SPEAKER_00:No, no, it it would be your emotion based off your beliefs of how it works, which is how S as Healers is, and this is where I exactly where I was going. And so when we put ourselves in the story and we live the emotions, you know, we may have a different emotion than they are doing it, which is what puts us in the place of oh, I could handle that differently. I would do this differently. Because my emotional uh my emotional story that's being created, it may not be the same emotion or experience that that person is experiencing. Experiencing. But yet we we take it in we take that story and by our own belief system we create a story in our head of what that person has gone through, but yet it's not the same, not it's not the right story. Because we d our beliefs are probably different than theirs. And we know our belief creates our reality based off historical events and have what beliefs that we have. And so we we have a tendency to come across as because for us, almost always when I have talked to anybody and I put myself in that spot, my emotion is not the same that they're showing me.
SPEAKER_03:When you say you put yourself in that spot when you go through the show through the story in my mind, kind of try to put yourself in the shoes of that person having had that experience, right? It brings up an emotion for you and it's not equaling maybe what you see in their aura or something.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and it's definitely not as big as people when that, you know, when they bring as problems. And we go through that story in our mind, the emotions for me uh, you know, are never as large as the problem that they're telling me about.
SPEAKER_03:You know, and so it's like I guess the emotions you feel or the emotions you see in them.
SPEAKER_00:Well, I g I guess so to clarify, so when I when I go through the story and I have my own beliefs or my own patterns and programs that dictate the emotion that I'm you know uh based to the you know attached to the story that I'm creating doesn't match theirs, and it definitely is much smaller. And so, because we didn't actually live it, but it also, you know, you know, people will bring problems in the same subject and they'll they'll bring, you know, uh I'm trying not to throw anybody under the bus.
SPEAKER_03:Um Well, give them a fake name.
SPEAKER_00:And so if we have Bobby Joe taking on the neighbors' alcoholic problems, uh and they put themselves in their own mind in that story, and then they they can honestly say to themselves, why don't they just stop?
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And and so it because the emotions are different, the stories are different, that that's where healers come into play and why we have this compli or not a complex, how we accept this uh level of responsibility of others to heal them. And you facilitated you know the conversation about how that healing works. But in our own mind too, because that I believe healers heal in more than one way. We we heal spiritually, we we heal emotionally, and we and we heal humanly with people. And so our energy and our stuff behind it that shows the problem less is emitting a different energy to that person. And so we view the problem completely different, which is how we get the modalities to help heal as humans. Are you following me?
SPEAKER_03:Um maybe a little bit.
SPEAKER_00:And so because you you're looking at me dumbfounded.
SPEAKER_03:Um just processing what you're saying.
SPEAKER_00:So what I guess what I'm saying is, is when say if I had a client come to me and they sit down right now and he says, Man, my brother it's always one problem after another, he just keeps bringing to me. And uh but he just won't see that the answers are right in front of him because I tell them to him or the the solutions.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And it's not as big as he makes it to be.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:And so that facilitates a human response in within that subconscious mindset that he is playing it down to them, which makes him a healer because now he's gonna have a human solution for him. And that is, well, I see it like this, you should do that.
SPEAKER_03:It doesn't necessarily make him his healer.
SPEAKER_00:Right. I didn't say that I didn't mean it like that. I just mean it like that's why he's the place he's putting himself into.
SPEAKER_03:Whether we want to carry the title or recognize it or not, all interactions are for the purpose of bringing some healing factor.
SPEAKER_00:I prefer facilitator.
SPEAKER_03:And to that. And so we are all healers.
SPEAKER_00:Mm-hmm. But so, but then you and human we as humans will take that scenario after you you know, like he they're gone from it, and then you sit back and continue to think about it.
SPEAKER_03:Why?
SPEAKER_00:Well, a lot of people do that. That's what a lot of people do.
SPEAKER_03:Well, um that's okay. Whether a lot of people are little people, I'm asking why.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know why. That's where I was going with this question is why do we continue to engage into it when that person is no longer in your bubble at that moment? Why do you go home and say, Well, you know, why is my neighbor an alcoholic and what can I do to help? And I go through and you we take that on emotionally and we start owning it, and then we allow it to reflect and exist in our bubble.
SPEAKER_03:I gave you the answer. Because if you have the hero complex or the fixer mentality, then you've assigned yourself the duty that you have to fix this individual or the job is not complete for you. And so as long as the job is not complete, you won't be able to walk away and let it let it be.
SPEAKER_00:But don't just about every human, when they have some kind of an energetic uh connection to a person, don't they kind of put themselves into that hero spot?
SPEAKER_03:Not all of us. But I'm talking about it basically still essentially boils down to the definition and the belief system that you have put in place as a healer. Like you've you've taken on, and I don't mean you if this doesn't apply to you, but those that are in that spot of thinking that they have to fix this individual or they are not a good healer, or they have to fix this, they've got to fix this for this person and figure out how to fix it so that this person looks or behaves or acts the way the healer thinks they should act or look, then yeah, it will haunt their mind and their brain, especially if something that they've given them to do is not working, then yeah, they'll take their work home with them, they'll run themselves ragged and until they've completely exhausted themselves. And if they have a high client volume and they're doing this with a hundred clients a week, essentially they're gonna burn themselves out as the healer because it's not your job to fix that person.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Your job is to give that person different modalities, different tools to bring into place, expose them to different techniques, different tools, different things, so they can essentially devise their own healing regimen or plan that resonates with them to get them from a place of not feeling so good to feeling better to better to better to better. So if you're taking on all of that their baggage, then yeah, you're you're kind of going about it in a not so healthy way. And it basically boils right back down to what is your definition of a healer? What is your definition of the job description of that title? And if you're if you're thinking that you've got to fix everything for everybody, then yeah, you'll take it home and you'll continue to ponder it and you'll continue to play it out and you'll continue to ask yourself, well, God, why why do why would this person want to go around feeling like that?
SPEAKER_00:Or or because we see it all the time in people. They they take on other people's pr problems in life and try to fix everything.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And and so, I mean, that is a common issue in humans, in human experience, period. And so how do we teach people to it's okay to bring somebody into your bubble, walk away from that person that's in your bubble that day and not think about their problems. Because that is the hardest part, I think.
SPEAKER_03:Just like we're doing. You bring that person to the awareness that they're doing it.
SPEAKER_00:You make it sound so simple.
SPEAKER_03:You teach them that their definition of being a healer is a little bit out of whack.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Help them redefine what a healer is. A healer is not a fixer.
SPEAKER_01:Agreed.
SPEAKER_03:A healer is not a person that takes on somebody's luggage and carries it around for them for a while.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Those are not beneficial things. A healer is an observer.
SPEAKER_00:And yeah, a facilitator, I think.
SPEAKER_03:A healer is a facilitator, but also an observer. So if you're going around carrying around the emotional aspect of it and beating your head against the wall, then uh you're you're not you're not being a beneficial healer. You're actually setting yourself up for complete and total exhaustion.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, yeah, totally. I agree.
SPEAKER_03:And behind that, I think, uh another And some people they don't know how they don't know that they're doing it. So awareness is number one key as that's where I was going.
SPEAKER_00:Is behind it is that we have like the lot of people that we know and have worked with or whatever, they don't realize that they're actually taking on other people's baggage. Like you've called it, and that's what we've called it for years, is why are you picking up somebody's bag or luggage or their baggage and carrying it with you?
SPEAKER_03:Right. They don't know that they're doing it.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And what they've done is is they've learned that style of life from somewhere.
SPEAKER_01:Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_03:And they just think that it's normal.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:They think that it's a normal way of life, and they've never been shown anything differently.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And so by retraining a habit that got normalized, then you're teaching them how to normalize a new habit that feels less draining. But before you can do that, you've got to help them see the new definition and help them put that in place. And that's where you're a facilitator because you got to figure out what's going to resonate with them. Is it a guided meditation where they visualize a chalkboard, writing it out and then erasing it and writing the new definition down? Is it literally sending them home with homework where you tell them, like a teacher mentality, go home, write this down five times, cross it out, rewrite it with the new definition, and do that repetitively until it's a habit. Like you're figuring out what will help them integrate the new definition so that it creates a new perspective of what that title or being that character means as far as a job description. Go home and write a new job description and then read it every morning when you get up and every night when you go to bed.
SPEAKER_00:And so we have discovered and and through this, we have um really explained why people do this. Now, what do what do people do when they've already committed to somebody doing it already? How do they get out of the how do they break the cycle of doing it?
SPEAKER_03:Well, I mean, that is a very, very good question, and it is uh easier said than done, especially if it's a very intertwined relationship. Sometimes the only way to do that and to untangle the mess is to just clip the cord and walk away and let the energy die down and have no communication, depending on how volatile the action is and how deeply the other person wants out of the construct that's being created, will depend on the course of action. Stop participating in it, first of all. Recognize when you're participating in it, and then stop. Like if it's a smaller surface interaction where you're friends with somebody and they are complaining uh a lot about this or that, and you just want to be out of the gossip and you want to stop hearing somebody complain about their daily shitty life when you see them taking no action, you simply set a boundary in place and you tell that person, right? I still want to be friends with you, but you are a very negative individual, and I no longer want to talk about these topics with you. When we're together, we can talk about things that are more positive or neutral, but my boundary to you moving forward, if you want me to continue to interact into your life, is I'm not gonna do this. Woe is me, uh complaining about my reality or other people or gossiping about other people. You gotta identify what it is you don't like, right? And then identify what boundaries you want to put in place. And if you're trying to salvage the relationship, you throw that out there and you see if it survives. But you have to go easy and understand that if it doesn't survive, it wasn't meant to survive. If it's a very toxic relationship where there's some sort of abuse to uh your you by another human being or to from you to another human being, or even like a chemical abuse, and you violently do not want to be a part of that exchange anymore, then you cut ties and you walk away and you conversate not with that person at all. Not via text, not via email. You just walk away, walk away and let them have their reality because it's not your monkey, not your circus.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Well, then you know you can I swear you channel my mind sometimes. Because the the key to it that I uh I think that I understand the b the most about is setting boundaries.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And because it's okay for you to help people, it's okay for people to it's okay for anybody to help somebody through an issue or through a problem and walk away and or or stay friends with them. It's okay. But what you don't have to do is continue to take on their stuff.
SPEAKER_03:And if you are, then you need to look at yourself.
SPEAKER_00:That's right.
SPEAKER_03:And look at your beliefs.
SPEAKER_00:Because you're having some kind of a issue behind it.
SPEAKER_03:Reality is mirroring to you where you could uh tweak your own process, upgrade, uh, cleanse yourself of your own baggage.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And so boundaries are the key to that too, is you can stay friends with them, but you have to make sure you have clear, concise, understand this is the consequence consequence boundaries if you break this boundary for me.
SPEAKER_03:And then honor that.
SPEAKER_00:And yes, 100% of it.
SPEAKER_03:If you set the boundary in place, but then they cross that boundary and you don't put the proverbial consequence in place, they're gonna just keep doing it because then they don't trust your word and they don't they know that that boundary is not a set-in-stone thing, and that eventually that's why people say, you know, I set my boundary and we were good for a couple of weeks, and then next thing you know, I turn around and we're right back where we started. That's because somewhere in setting that boundary, you didn't hold them accountable to the contract, the boundary owners. Yes, you let them get away with some something, and that told them, okay, this is not truly a boundary, this is just a temporary uh picket fence, and I can walk through it when I let enough time go by.
SPEAKER_00:Right, because the reality behind it is is when you set a boundary and you don't hold the consequences of that boundary, you have now just become an influencer behind it.
SPEAKER_03:Well, yeah, and not only that, but then that person realizes that you're not true to your word.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And it just creates lip service or you're just talking because you're upset or bothered. And I want to just address one thing too, because some people will be like, Well, isn't that passing judgment? If I set boundaries, because I don't allow that person to just come in and be who they are or what they are. There's very much a difference between judgment and setting healthy boundaries.
SPEAKER_00:Right, I totally agree.
SPEAKER_03:And the intention behind it is what sets that apart.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And you can allow people to be themselves with boundaries.
SPEAKER_03:That's right.
SPEAKER_00:You just have to make sure and understand that that because when somebody's acting out of out of line and they're in your bubble, um, you're allowing that to be in your bubble. And so once you set a boundary, then that boundary becomes the law for that relationship. Right. Especially when it's clear and concise consequences.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. That's the guideline that you're willing to, because essentially what happens when you set a boundary is that you now have taken on your power and you say, you know what? I am no longer gonna live in a life where it's happening to me. I'm gonna live in a life where I create what the uh what what the guidelines are by which I choose to live. Right. You're more than welcome to continue to act and behave however you want. I pass no judgment on you for that. You're just not allowed to do it in my bubble anymore. Right. Right? So that's what the difference is between judgment and setting boundaries. Right. If you can imagine yourself, you have this uh little bubble around you, and there are certain rules that you get to put in place inside this bubble that allow you to maintain your self-worth, your self-respect, your self um uh confidence, and you can set the tone for how people get to treat you. And those are called boundaries. Yeah, not revenge boundaries.
SPEAKER_01:Right, I agree.
SPEAKER_03:So it doesn't look like okay, this person came into my bubble, they did this, it pissed me off. So now I am gonna say to them, okay, we're not friends anymore, stop texting me. That's a revengeful intention and it won't hold for very long because you did it from a different energy.
SPEAKER_00:Right, and it created a different energy.
SPEAKER_03:Right. But when you s when you get clear about the fact that it is more important for you to feel healthy, whole and at peace within your bubble as your own personal sanctuary, then you begin to set boundaries with healthy intentions and you get to say, I don't I don't care who you are, if you don't treat me as good as I treat me, you don't get to cross this line. Right. And the minute that that person, no matter what their title is, boss, friend, family member crosses that line, then it becomes easier for you to say, I'm sorry, especially when you have very concisely communicated that to the individual. I don't like your behavior, I'm not gonna let it in my bubble anymore. And if you want to meet me in that space, then this is what has to be done because I don't live that life anymore. Right. Then you give them the space to modify their character when they're in your bubble. And if they don't, then you get the choice of instilling the consequences of cost in that boundary. Just make sure when you put a boundary in place, you're willing to do the follow-through of the consequences.
SPEAKER_00:Well, that's what a lot of people gotta understand is boundaries are not telling people how to act.
SPEAKER_03:No.
SPEAKER_00:Or do or say. It's it's a boundary is something that you're telling people, you're telling somebody else, I do not want this to happen. In my bubble. In my bubble. Right. And it's not a they can go do whatever they want to somewhere else. Right. But it's only when they come into your bubble that that boundary is for.
SPEAKER_03:Right. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00:That's where a lot of people think that you're telling people how to live. You're not telling people how to live or do people how to act or do things in my presence. That's right. Because I don't want to be around. And if and if you choose to break that consequence, then I'm gonna remove myself. I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm gonna remove myself from the situation.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I'm gonna take me and my bubble, and we're gonna go inhabit some other space-time continuum. That's the difference between judgment and setting boundaries.
SPEAKER_00:Correct. And so I think the last topic of this would be understanding when you're done and when you're tired.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. Do tell. So when you're done and tired with what?
SPEAKER_00:When you're when you're tired of something, it's when you are uh you just keep saying to yourself, why am I letting myself do this? I'm tired of it because you're really not doing anything about it. You're just speaking about it. You're just talking to yourself in your own mind about something that you don't like or you're uncomfortable with. And when that differentiates between I cannot do this anymore, now I'm done with this. Here is my consequence. Here is my boundary. As understanding and distinguishing bet the between the two of when you're tired with something and when you're done with something.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, that's very easy as well, because I make things sound so easy, right? I know, right. So how you differentiate between I'm just exhausted and I'm done. Right. With conviction in your heart. Right. When you are actually done with a contract, a scenario, a topic, and you're ready to set that boundary in place and you're actually done, period, hard stop, then there is no second guessing the consequence that follows, even if it means the relationship changes and looks differently, and that person is no longer in your bubble on a daily basis, but you have conviction in your heart and you're okay with the consequence that you've put in place. You can take it, you can leave it. It's okay to stay, it's okay to go, because you're done. You've set that piece of luggage down, you no longer want to um carry that belief, or you've retrained that belief or that habit, and you're you're absolutely done with it, then there is no validating story that needs to be told when you, for example, if, and I'll take my personal situation so we don't have to call anybody out because I'm done with it, right? My mother has a very toxic personality, toxic, and she likes trauma drama, and she's a bit heavy on the narcissistic side. Everybody is to blame for the bullshit that goes on in her world. And I got to a place where I first was so tired of it, and I just thought, oh my gosh, I can't do this another day. But I was swimming around in that honor thy parents, respect them.
SPEAKER_00:You can't tell your biological mother to How dare you go against the royal or their royal expectation to love your mother for everything they do.
SPEAKER_03:How dare you not love your mother forever and how dare you tell your mother to fuck off? That's so rude, and you're such a shitty child. Yes, you are. I was so tired. I was so tired of the toxic environment. Yeah. And I finally got to a place where I was done with that societal taught belief that was all entangled in. I've got to respect this person because they carried me in their womb and they are my blood person, but they get to misbehave and they get to take part in some whatever the hell she's doing, and I have to just accept that into my bubble. No, I I don't. I can love you, but I don't have to have you in my bubble creating your ruckus and have your lifestyle be in my daily environment. And so I became done with it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And the minute that I became done with it, I fully was okay embracing the whole concept of what setting that boundary means, having that conversation, and then holding to the consequences. And whenever that boundary got crossed, I did just that. I fell off of the face of the earth to that individual as if I don't even exist in her world. She doesn't even know if I'm dead or alive. I don't really know if she's dead or alive because I removed myself from her bubble, and I low no longer participated in the area of the earth where she swims around. I started not participating in it. And what that looked like for me was I stopped going to family events that had these individuals in them that were living in that toxic lifestyle. And I was okay with it. There was no remorse, there was no inner dialogue that needed to happen anymore. I was just simply okay with it because I came to a place of knowing I can love these people from afar. I just don't want them in my bubble. So I'm gonna take my little bubble and I'm gonna move myself and go home. Right. I am just gonna remove myself from their bubble. I'm not gonna participate in their little gatherings, I'm not gonna participate in their social gibby gab.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And that's how it worked for me. When you are done, that's what that looks like. When you're only at the place where you're tired, you'll second guess yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Or and continue to let it happen.
SPEAKER_03:Even when you go to that person and you try to set a boundary, you'll feel like you want to bring with you a justification story. And you'll have this conversation of look, and you'll try to sugarcoat it because you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings because you're still trying to honor not stepping on anybody's toes or hurting their feelings. And, you know, none of us want to hurt anybody's feelings, but setting boundaries sometimes will hurt people's feelings, but that's their issue, not yours. If they're having the emotional response to something that you did or said, that's their own baggage that they have to look at. And that doesn't mean that you have to carry it or take it on. But when you're just tired, you will go to that person and say, I don't really care for the type of interactions that are going on when we sit around and complain and fuss. And when they cross that half-set boundary that you kind of put out there without trying to hurt anybody's feelings, then you go to them the second visit and you say, Okay, well, the last time we got together, there was a lot of shenanigans that went on. And because of that, I am not going to the next family event because I don't want to be a part of the trauma drama that's taking place. That whole story that you just had to tell to convince them that I need you to be okay with the fact that I'm not going to show up to next year's family reunion because I don't want to take part in the garbage that takes place. That whole story and that justification comes from a person who's tired and not done. When you get done, you don't you won't need the you won't need to drag around the story.
SPEAKER_00:No justification behind it.
SPEAKER_03:You just will be like, I'm done. I'm done. That's what that bill of period's for in the end of his own. Drop the mic, hard stop. I'm done.
SPEAKER_00:Speaking of being done, it's that time.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, you're such a time police. Did you have any more conversations?
SPEAKER_00:No, no, I think I think uh I well, I didn't have a whole lot of conversation anyway.
SPEAKER_03:Are you my strawberry bear business friend?
SPEAKER_00:I don't I don't know if I said 20 words in that entire podcast.
SPEAKER_03:We'll see when we go to edit, sir. You talked more than you think you did.
SPEAKER_00:Bet. Anyway, no, I'm good. I'm good with it. It's okay. Anyway, hey, hey guys. Uh don't forget to like, follow, and share of this podcast. We really appreciate you guys listening and share it on your Facebook. You can you can share it on your Spotify account. You can do whatever. Just copy the link and put it in your Facebook. That'd be kind of good. Um don't forget to check out our website, www.themirchcenters.org. And our app website is www.lucidiumworld.com.
SPEAKER_03:I think someday we should play game and see if uh anybody can guess what's in the my phone went off during podcast change.
SPEAKER_00:I know, right. She you got did everybody I know everybody heard this because she's gonna edit it off, but she she has two dollars to get in the because it went off again and she kept right on talking so I couldn't point it out.
SPEAKER_03:I put it on airplane mode, so I don't even know why it's doing that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's still making noise.
SPEAKER_03:Well, you know, you we and we talked about this in earlier podcast. One of the things when stuff's clearing is it's a bell that I ask for. And so something's clearing for somebody somewhere. That's why it's going off. Because literally it's in airplane mode, so I don't even know why it's going off.
SPEAKER_00:If y'all want to have a good read, uh you can go on blogger.com and look up Dr. Ginny's to the edge and bag.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That's her blog.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, that's where I post all my crazy articles.
SPEAKER_00:And y'all be paying attention because uh Brains Magazine is gonna be interviewing us. And uh it'll be on their website at uh brainsmagazine.com.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And uh we'll be we'll be in uh I think next month's issue sometime. And let's see, what else do we have going on? Oh yeah, don't forget, April 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th, we'll be in Ozark Research Institute in Fayetteville, Arkansas at their annual Power of Thought School. Um we'll be uh we'll be in the three-hour keynote speaker section and on Sunday afternoon.
SPEAKER_03:Yep.
SPEAKER_00:Um we hope to see everybody there. And uh we'll be we'll be present uh there for the whole week.
SPEAKER_03:I think they do recordings too, don't they? They do. You can buy them on their website. Buy on the website after the fact.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you have to become a member, which is twenty-five bucks a year or something. I don't know. And then the they'll send you all you do is request a copy, and then all you do is pay for the expense.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um if you're not a member, it's like twenty-five dollars, I think, for the actual DVD.
SPEAKER_03:I see. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um But anyway, and then uh we'll link that into our website as well, so people will be able to see it afterwards. But I do know that she had mentioned that this year they're going to be live streaming it, so oh, nice. So that'll be kind of fun. And I I planned on live streaming ours anyway. So okay. Uh but anyway, guys, we appreciate y'all listening, and uh, we'll see you next time, and we hope you have an awesome day.
SPEAKER_03:Love ya.
