The Spiritual Grind
Dr. Jenni PhD,RN,CHLC,CH and medium and Rev. James ORD, MhsB have spent countless years studying and practicing many modalities within the "Spiritual" domain. Dr. Jenni has dedicated her life to helping others by attending countless schools and developing each of her practices and strategies. Rev. James has studied many modalities and Native American practices and they have Both decided to open their library of knowledge to share this information with everyone in a down to earth style, with hope to assist in making your journey easier and more abundant.
The Spiritual Grind
Three Whys A Day Keep Drama Away
What if most conflicts aren’t about what was said, but about the answers your mind wrote before anyone spoke? We dive into the quiet mechanics of miscommunication—assumptions, redirects, body language, and the baggage that warps truth—and lay out a simple toolkit that turns friction into clarity.
We start with everyday moments: the “I don’t care” food choice that wasn’t honest, the car payment question loaded with old fear, and how a literal answer can sound like a lie when trust is thin. Then we introduce precision of words and the three whys method to find roots fast: answer clearly, ask why, then why again, then once more. That habit transforms awkward check-ins into safe conversations about history, needs, and boundaries. Along the way we tackle body language and energy cues, how to avoid mind-reading, and why a childlike curiosity is a better strategy than defensiveness.
Work and home both get real examples. The Little Steve story shows how unchecked assumptions almost cost someone a promotion; one question—“Why are you asking?”—would have changed everything. We also dig into self-communication: noticing stress signals, separating physical from mental pressure, and using the same three whys to calm the monkey mind before it writes its next doom script. A gem from a couple 77 years strong anchors the theme: people change daily—keep learning them.
If you’re ready to replace knee-jerk reactions with honest responses, to build trust with precise words, and to solve problems without turning them into stories, this one’s your guide. Listen, try the three whys, and tell us where your communication tends to break. Subscribe, share with someone who needs fewer fights and more clarity, and leave a review to help more listeners find us.
Good morning, everybody. Welcome back to the spiritual grind. Good morning. We are here. What was that?
SPEAKER_00:Are you part dog this morning?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:What was that show where the boy turns into shaggy or the shaggy dog? Is that what it's called? The shaggy dog?
SPEAKER_03:I don't yes, I think it was. Well, that was a that's a flashback from the 80s. Right. Holy cow. Telling your age they're a little bit under you. And so, yeah, um, I guess I am.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. I'm not telling my age. I am telling my wisdom.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, that's what it is, wisdom. That's what I would call it too.
SPEAKER_00:Very wise.
SPEAKER_03:And so, are you ready for to talk about today's topic?
SPEAKER_00:Of course.
SPEAKER_03:You know what today's topic is?
SPEAKER_00:I have no idea.
SPEAKER_03:I always surprise you, don't I?
SPEAKER_00:Indeed.
SPEAKER_03:We're going to talk about uh kind of a topic that's at hand.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And it is communication.
SPEAKER_00:Communication.
SPEAKER_03:And how the humans have a tendency to communicate and have expectations of others and the way they communicate with their body.
SPEAKER_00:Well, what about the communication with the aliens?
SPEAKER_03:Well, yeah, we can talk about that at the end if you want. You know, because we're all aliens anyway, because we're foreign to this land.
SPEAKER_00:Uh I was watching Agent Alien about that segment that they talked about how they put out there in like the 1970s this uh binary message.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, yeah, yeah. I've seen that with all the seven. Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Thing back.
unknown:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:And they're trying to decide if it's a hoax or if it's real and what it means.
SPEAKER_03:There's actually a place in Vac in Nevada that it's like a hundred satellite dishes, and all they do is try to communicate with extraterrestrial beings. They've been it's been it's all government funded.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'd love to go there and just kind of hang out for the day.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's pretty cool. We they have an ancient alien episode on it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've seen it.
SPEAKER_03:But it's it would be uh that would be curious. And they uh I think on that episode they actually showed a communication back that they got in it like it's all exciting because twenty years and never did anything back, and then suddenly they got something back.
SPEAKER_00:Right. But I'd be interested to go and just kind of hang out for the day and see.
SPEAKER_03:Would be kind of interesting, I agree. Kind of watch and see, and I'd like to send a message out there.
SPEAKER_00:Communication is vital. It is, and there are so many different types of communication.
SPEAKER_03:There is.
SPEAKER_00:There's verbal communication, there's body language, there's uh and you know, there's yeah, the the body language itself speaks for itself. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03:And the the words, a lot of times you can tell people are being honest by their body motions over their words.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And if you're me, you can see their energy, you know, they're lying anyway.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_03:But because you know, um just so you guys know, if you all come across any aura readers, they will know if you're not being honest.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Can you imagine what kind of world it would morph into if everybody knew that we could read each other's energy without even having to say anything? Yeah, that would be it would be a completely different It would make me not so special, but Oh, you will you'll always be special in my heart. I mean heart.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my Canada at least be some of the glitter that comes flying out of there.
SPEAKER_00:You're my favorite turd.
SPEAKER_03:I've never flush you. That's my line. So let's talk about communication. So when humans communicate, they have a tendency to in their subconscious mind, say for example, I say to you, What's your favorite color? They're in their subconscious mind gonna have an answer that they have already predetermined that you're gonna say and think that they know what it is before you answer it.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so meaning when you ask me that question, you already have answered the question in your head based on what you think I'm gonna come back with as an answer.
SPEAKER_03:Yes. You know, in the psychological world, they call that a redirect.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And uh I I was researching this this morning a little bit.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And so when somebody has a question they put out there that they assume subconsciously or even consciously that they know the answer to already, they're redirecting their answer in their mind. So when somebody gives them an answer that they didn't expect, it puts them into a situation of believing that they're lying.
SPEAKER_00:Oh nicely worded, sir. Impressed. I know, right?
SPEAKER_03:This is you know, this has been on my mind because we do the same thing with our bodies. And this is why, you know, when we expect our bodies to do a certain way, like I'm going through this little blood pressure thing, and my blood pressure, you know, I'm doing what the the society teaches you you're supposed to do to lower your blood pressure, doing all of it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And it's having some effect. Right. I agree, it is working somewhat, but then I'm communicating with my body saying, Look, everything's okay, no need to be stressed out about nothing. And, you know, and so I'm trying to communicate that differently. And and we can kind of get into that at part two a little bit, or or not part two, but later on in the podcast. So I want to talk about the human interaction first.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Because we have a monkey mind.
SPEAKER_00:We do, we have an inner dialogue that goes on. Yes, and we have called it the monkey mind because it can get in there and monkey around. Yes, and it can create whole storylines that are basically a lie.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, uh, based off their personal history, historical beliefs or events or beliefs.
SPEAKER_00:Yep, exactly.
SPEAKER_03:And so, like, for example, I'm gonna give them an example because this is a pretty good one. So let's just say you're dating somebody.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And they call you and they say, Hey, um, I'm coming over. Do you want me to bring supper? And then the other person replies, sure. And then then the original person says, Well, what would you like? Oh, I don't care. And then the person brings home sushi with avocado in it. And because I assumed in my mind that you were gonna bring something. This is a story, this is actually a real story that's happened between Ginny and I. I I hate avocado. I can't actually let me rephrase it. I love the flavor of avocado, but the grittiness of it, it gags me. The texture, the texture, and and so I had an an assumed answer in my mind, and then when you came home with sushi, this is when we first started dating. Yeah, I was like, what the F.
SPEAKER_00:A little bit taken back.
SPEAKER_03:I was, and and so now we're we're still in courting phases. Yeah, and so now I'm having to consume this because I did not communicate appropriately. Right. And I created a story in my mind that you would be like bringing home like fried chicken because it was easy. Nowhere in my mind did I think that you would stop by and get in the actual grocery store or Publix or whatever you got it from, I don't even know Kroger's, and pick up actual hand-rolled sushi and bring it home.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Never once crossed my mind because I did not clearly communicate it, and I created the story in my mind, oh yes, he's gonna bring home like fried chicken and mashed dates or something.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, that didn't happen.
SPEAKER_00:Which is not at all of my avenue. It completely not at all.
SPEAKER_03:And I didn't communicate what I wanted.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:But I assumed because of my monkey mind telling me, because if before if anybody called, that they, you know, everybody knows what I like. And so I just I redirected because of my historical events in my mind to oh, let's feel this bring it home. I can say I don't care and and make myself feel like, you know, I'm I'm just easygoing guy.
SPEAKER_00:I'm malleable, I'm easy.
SPEAKER_03:I'm I can and and don't get me wrong, I choked down that sushi.
SPEAKER_00:Oh god, he did.
SPEAKER_03:And I mean choked.
SPEAKER_00:And he tried to hide it, and I let him. I think he drank an entire gallon of tea trying to swallow the stuff whole. He was gagging me. Trying to hold back the tears in his eyes and not even chewing. And just gobbling it down. I ignored all of it and just enjoyed mine because mine was quite delightful.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, so this story in my head was you were bringing up.
SPEAKER_00:I did give you I bought two different kinds and I let you choose between the two.
SPEAKER_04:I agree.
SPEAKER_00:However, they both had avocado. And so I guess you chose the lesser of the two evils. I did.
SPEAKER_03:So well now, so that's kind of a funny situation, and it worked out funny down the road. And and uh we didn't I didn't know that she recognized that I was choking on this suit.
SPEAKER_00:No, at the time he didn't let on, and I did not dare uh call him out on his nonsense. I was still trying to be the uh you know kind little individual.
SPEAKER_03:I didn't find out two years later that she knew I was choking it down. Now that's kind of a funny scenario. So put this into a scenario that's not so funny.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Like, for example, uh that I don't know Talk about a big one, the finances. Okay, let's talk about finances.
SPEAKER_00:Because uh, you know, the statistics say that uh, you know, if you don't have proper communication, finances are one of the top contenders of white people separate or divorce.
SPEAKER_03:Number one's infidelity, number two is finances. That's right.
SPEAKER_00:It's a big, big contender.
SPEAKER_03:And so so put that into a perspective of the conversation being like this. Jenny calls me and she says, Hey, did you talk to your ex? Or are you still talking to anybody?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, how's that finance related?
SPEAKER_03:Oh, I'm sorry, I I went to infidelity first. You can go there.
SPEAKER_00:You can go to infidelity.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, no, no, we'll go to finances.
SPEAKER_00:That's fine.
SPEAKER_03:And so Jenny calls me and she says, Hey, did you uh pay the car payment? And I, you know, in my mind, I say, Yes, because I'm planning to pay the car payment later.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Now you and but I create a story in my mind that this is perfectly okay because of historical events.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Or I believe that I'm gonna make the car payment later. Now something comes up and I forget.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Now what think about the scenario behind that. Which I don't know quite know if that's a really good example of where we're this talk is gonna go, but it is an example of historical belief systems that is answering a question in your mind.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And you are humanly answering it differently.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Instead of me saying, Oh, I haven't done that yet. Thank you for reminding me, I'll do that here.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:I make a story up in my mind of what's how she's gonna respond if I say that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So if I uh I in my mind I say yes, and then I plan on doing it, but it hasn't actually done yet.
SPEAKER_00:And then she finds out that it's not done, or she gets the text that says, Hey, your car payment hasn't been made, because we get text from the bank that says reminder, right? Your car payment is due.
SPEAKER_03:But the reason why I answer that question is because I have a historical or belief system, historical event or belief system within me that tells me either A, she's gonna blow up at me if I say no, I haven't done that yet, or B, it's okay for me to to do it later and say yes now.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:But either way is still not good communication.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And it can be viewed by the other person as misleading or a lie or 100%. Whatever, especially if the other person has trust issues from their historical events on people telling the truth or financially being truthful and paying the bills and not leaving them unpaid. Right. Um, you know, different scenarios like that, it could definitely impact the relationship because the person who has the baggage that they brought in that, you know, my ex never would pay the bills and they were always late and not on time. So when I asked him and he said yes, he paid him, he outright lied to me. Um, so that that could definitely create a traumatic trauma drama for the person who asked the question.
SPEAKER_03:Right. And so that's where I was going with this conversation. You actually led it right into it. Is I made a in this scenario, I gave you an answer that wasn't completely true, even though I had every intention to do it.
SPEAKER_00:But you did it inadvertently because you So in our relationship, you do all the bills and you take care of all that.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And if you have a plan, a structured plan where you know the car payments due on Friday and your plan is to, you know, pay bills on Thursday, you know in your head, yeah, I am paying it. Right. It's all already done and taken care of because you have a plan in place. And so in your mind, you've logged it as, okay, because I have the plan in place, I can answer this yes, without it being a lie. Because historically I pay them on this date, and she probably doesn't even know.
SPEAKER_03:The other part of that was is a it doesn't matter because it was an end not a completely truthful thing, so it's a partial story. And the other the other part of this is what everybody needs to realize in in relationship or in communication is the person asking the question either A already knows the answer, or B, there's something guiding them to ask that question. Could it be an inner belief? Could it be whatever? That's where communication breaks down. It's that third level of that communication. And the person asking the question is normally the one that has the baggage.
SPEAKER_00:That's right. Or needs more information, needs more information, or is having trouble navigating that.
SPEAKER_03:Like you wouldn't say to me, you wouldn't call me and say, Hey, my ex-husband of four years didn't pay my car payment and I got a car repossessed. So, did you remember to make the car payment because I got the text? You don't say that.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:You just say, Hey, did you remember the car payment? And so it's the receivers of the questions job to understand that A, you know, there's a reason why this question's coming out.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And B, I need to look at my answer appropriately.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And make sure it's clear, like you'll say it all the time.
SPEAKER_00:Precision of words.
SPEAKER_03:Precision of words.
SPEAKER_01:That's right.
SPEAKER_03:Clarity of response.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And when you have a communication breakdown, being on anything, be it on finances or whatever, generally, if you can go into it with a in a mind space of the person asking the question has the one that's got something brewing. And it can make you communicate better because now I know that when you ask a question, I can say honestly, that you have baggage and you're trying to build trust. Or, you know, or there's something that's on your mind about it.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And I can honestly say no, but I'm gonna pay it on Thursday.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Or you can come back with an additional question seeking more information. I'll give you a little extension of the scenario. Correct. I don't normally ask those questions of you, but if I get like a a reminder from the bank that says, hey, the car payment hasn't been paid, we'll use that as an example. Because our bank does send out reminders.
SPEAKER_03:Right. Yep.
SPEAKER_00:Then if I ask you if you've made the car payment, you then can come back and say, Well, I haven't yet, but why are you asking the question?
SPEAKER_04:Yep.
SPEAKER_00:Because what you and I've learned in our journey together is we're very good at communicating. And so this is how we navigate that. You know that if I ask that question, there is more to it. Right.
SPEAKER_03:Because I would have said something like, Not yet. So what why are you asking?
SPEAKER_00:Right, exactly. And then my response would have been, oh, well, I got a reminder, and I just want to make sure you didn't forget with everything that's going on in our bubble or whatever.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:But people don't go to that length.
SPEAKER_03:They don't. And the one thing, another thing that I want to add to this, is not one thing, but the other thing, is the receiver of the question needs to understand that you can't take those questions defensively.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Or ignore them as though they don't have any value.
SPEAKER_03:That's right. Because they're asking the question for, like we said, either there's a reason behind it, that's right, or there's some baggage behind it.
SPEAKER_00:That's right.
SPEAKER_03:And so you it's our job when we communicate to make clarity of those things.
SPEAKER_00:Make clarity, but then also side note is you're getting to know that person every day on a different level. That's correct. And by you asking additional questions when questions are asked of you helps you learn what that person is. So, what I mean by that is not everybody is like you and I. You and I came together, and when we first came together, we took that proverbial trash can of bullshit. We dumped it all on the table, dumped it on the table, and we said, Look, this is my baggage, this is what I know of.
SPEAKER_03:And that was a heated day and a half of work. That was a heated day and a half conversation.
SPEAKER_00:Are you in a place where you want to accept this? Does any of that consume you? This is me.
SPEAKER_04:Yep.
SPEAKER_00:And the naked, bold, black and white concept. And we gave each other the opportunity to say, you know what, that's a lot of shit, bitch. I can't do you.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Or, you know what? Yeah, it's manageable. I will make an informed decision to move forward.
SPEAKER_03:Correct.
SPEAKER_00:That's one of the things that we did.
SPEAKER_03:Yes. And so in when you're having a communication with a partner, individual, friend, anybody.
SPEAKER_00:Can I finish real quick? Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead.
SPEAKER_03:I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_00:What I was gonna say is if you are not trained and did have not done that yet, then it is your job to get to know your the other person more intimately on what their baggage is. And you do that by exploring why they're ans asking the question, whatever the question is.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I agree.
SPEAKER_00:You can give them the answer to the question, but then ask, why do you ask? Yeah, what's going on? Because it's education, and they may come back with something simple of uh I was just curious, just wondering.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Or they may come back and it may be an opportunity for them to say, okay, I'm unpacking some baggage, and this is some crap that I've got. Now, as the other side of that, if the person you've asked the question of asks you in response, why do you ask? That's an opportunity for you to come clean and share with this individual what you're working on or why did you ask the question? That's an open platform for you to be open and honest about why did you ask the question?
SPEAKER_04:Correct.
SPEAKER_00:What's going on inside of me that made me feel like I needed to ask the question? Is it a trust issue? Is it baggage that I'm carrying? You need to explore that as well because every relationship, no matter what kind it is, is a two-way street.
SPEAKER_03:Correct.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, you can have the mic back.
SPEAKER_03:And so uh when we we as individuals and we are engaged in a relationship, a friendship, or any of that kind of stuff, we have to well say we have to, we we need to acquire one thought in mind is we have been taught as a society to be protected and guarded and answer things because life is going so fast. The one thing in your life that you don't need to go fast is your answers and your responses. You have to stop for that moment because I have to I have to do it to myself all the time. I have to slow myself down and say, okay, wait a minute, why is she asking this question? Oh, it doesn't matter what topic it's about.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:What did I do to cause the question to be asked, or what is causing the question to be asked?
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And be humble within it. Because when we don't do that, we don't slow ourselves down, you're gonna give an answer that's not either a not fully the truth, or you're that's or it's informative, it's not an informative answer, or you're gonna say something that triggers the other person that's not correct, and you're then you're gonna have to try to fix it. It doesn't matter your intention behind it because it's not your situation, it's the person answering the questions or asking the questions that you need to understand that it's important to them or they wouldn't ask.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And slow yourself down and let's quit letting society speed up your life so fast that you don't stop and give that person the moment that they want.
SPEAKER_00:Right. I'll give another very, very poignant, more mild example that we came across.
SPEAKER_03:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:The wife says to the husband, Do you have your hearing aids in?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, this is a good example. We used to see this in the community all the time.
SPEAKER_00:All the time. And he says, Yeah. And he leaves it at that because he literally is just answering the question. So she comes from a place of she asked the question because she fell like she's not heard.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Instead of saying to him precision of words, do you have your hearing aid in? And did you hear what I said because it's very important to me?
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:She just asked if he had his hearing aids in.
SPEAKER_03:Which puts him in a defensive place.
SPEAKER_00:And he's like, or just in a let me answer this literally.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:So he's like, Yeah, I've got my hearing aids in. No discovery on why she's asking that, and no uh further investigation, inquisitive mind of, hmm, that's why did she ask that's like an odd question. Why would she ask that?
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Because if he were able to put himself in that position and be more inquisitive and say, I do, but better question is is why are you asking?
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And it opens the floor for her to say, Well, I wasn't sure that you heard me, and I was talking about an important topic, and I wanted to make sure that you heard me because when I said blah blah blah, I didn't get a response from you.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Instead, she walked away from the situation thinking that he didn't care about the topic, which then translated in he didn't care about her. Here comes the monkey moon and he never listens to me. And so then I'm just not important. He doesn't love me. You see how that just assumptions rolls into a big shit ball. Yeah, that little beetle that rolls around the shit ball.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:Maybe we should call it that instead of the monkey mind, the little shit beetle. It just starts to roll into a shit ball.
SPEAKER_03:You know, this conversation brings up a thought from a couple that I I worked with back in Tampa. You know, he had a fear of infidelity.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so he was afraid that his wife was gonna cheat on him, or partner, was gonna cheat on him.
SPEAKER_03:Correct.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And so he became very hovering.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, yep. Suffocating, suffocating, very always willing to be around.
SPEAKER_03:Or questioning constantly and those kind of things. And and all it did to her was create a constant state of either panic, I'm doing something wrong, or frustration or fear, or mad.
SPEAKER_00:Or feeling like she was controlled, maybe.
SPEAKER_03:And so she started responding with it ref you know, reflecting his energy back to him. You know, and she would purposely do things that he said. Like, for example, she he would say, Are you gonna go over and see your friend over here? And she had no intention to do it. But because he was doing it, she would out of spite and frustration go see her friend over there. Whatever that is, you know, that's just an example. It's not actually the whole story, because I don't want to expose the whole story, but when it comes to that, that's the same scenario. Instead of her saying no, I'm not gonna go over there, why would you ask that question? And restabilizing him because she doesn't know where it's coming from where it's coming from. Why are you you know why are you saying this? Instead, she got defensive.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And you see how this all marries into every topic. It can be infidelity, finances, health, and well-being, whatever it is.
SPEAKER_01:Right, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And so the person asking the question is is the person that needs to be in uh uh you need to be more inquisitive because you gotta find out why. Because if that question annoys you, you can't be a defensive, you should figure out what's making the question come and then try to fix that problem or help this person work through it.
SPEAKER_00:Right. That's a good segue into reiterating having that childlike persona. Right. Because if you think about children, they have this natural just uh curiosity about everything. Right. Why? Right, exactly. Because they're learning and they're growing and they need all the information they can um retrieve from the world around them, right? And so it seems like every other word that comes out of their mouth is is why? Why not? Right. What is that? And they're asking those questions, and it's natural when it comes from the child because we are patient and understand that they are learning and growing. You know, in my book, but when the adults do it, um we get defensive.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, we get guarded.
SPEAKER_00:We almost feel like we're put in that what what do you call it when the cops like interrogation? Yeah, you're an interrogation. Interrogation spotlight.
SPEAKER_03:And it and all it is is clarity of information. That's really all it is. And in my book, you know, Sales Energy Method, I talk about every topic, you should have three whys. There should be three whys to everything that gets brought up. So, like for example, if you call me and say, Hey, do you make the car payment? I I should answer the question truthfully and then say, But why? Well, why are you asking that question?
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And then she's gonna answer the question, well, because I got a text message. Oh, well, okay, well, why did it bother you? Oh, because you know, I I had a car repossessed once. Okay. But wh why would you think that would happen again? You know, so for every topic, there should be three why questions.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And when you get into that depth and you start asking those questions and have an open-minded, calm energy about it, it opens the door for very good communication in a relationship, friendship, a boss, employee, whatever. Yeah, it opens those doors. And in sales, it will it will close deals.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. Yeah, and in relationships, it will solidify the foundation of a relationship.
SPEAKER_03:And security, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Because what it does is it it makes the person who's asking the question, did you make the car payment feel like they have a safe space to talk about these vulnerable skeletons in the closet?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, he's opened up the segue of allowing me to conversate about this very touchy topic. Oh, well, because I had this thing come up where I am having a little bit of a tough journey. This happened to me in a previous relationship, and this interaction kind of threw up a red flag, and I'm trying to clean that up a little bit or whatever.
SPEAKER_03:You know, this is a prime example to a parenting because you know, if anybody's ever read the book The Baking Order.
SPEAKER_00:I have not.
SPEAKER_03:Um, but in the word in the book The Baking Order Bacon, like bacon and is baking B E C K O B.
SPEAKER_00:What's an is. I meant to say. Say eggs.
SPEAKER_03:Oh. I don't really know. Is that a genius?
SPEAKER_00:A pecking order?
SPEAKER_03:The pecking order, yeah. That's it. Becking order. Pecking order. That's it. Pecking order. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Is it pecking or becking?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. It's pecking. There is a becking order. The book is called The Pecking Order.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And it's about three brothers.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And uh the oldest brother got to do everything.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:The middle brother didn't get to do anything because the older brother ruined it for the middle brother.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, like you mean he got in trouble and went out and done dumb shit.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And then they tightened up the rules for the middle person so they wouldn't have to deal with the bullshit.
SPEAKER_03:And then the youngest gets to do anything. Because it's a pendulum. And i in the picking order, you've got to understand that that first person is asking the question, you know, Mom, I'm going to go out. And if we were to ask three wives in parenting in anything, on any topic, if you'd ask three questions, Mom, I need five bucks today. Why do you need five bucks? Oh, I'm going to go, I'm going to go, there's a book fair coming up. Okay, but why do the w you why do you need it today? The book fair's not till next Friday. Well, because uh I'm making a deal with Bobby Joe and and I'm gonna buy his thing, and then next week when he gets his book fair money, he's gonna give me seven dollars back for my money. Why would you want to do that? You need why would you want to uh participate in this issue that you don't know for sure that you're not gonna get your money? You know, the it's those kind of things. It's the inquisitive nature, like you said, childlike behavior, that everything would change if we just asked three whys. The three whys for everything.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Anytime something makes you uncomfortable, you need to ask why why and why. So anyway, sorry, didn't I got a muscle?
SPEAKER_00:No, you're fine. You're fine. I'm taking it in. So from now on, whenever I'm gonna ask you a question, I need to ask three questions.
SPEAKER_03:No, when you ask the question, I'm gonna I'm gonna ask you with here's the answer, but why?
SPEAKER_00:And so when you ask me a question, I need to come back with three whys.
SPEAKER_03:Well, yes, if it's uh if it's something that rattles your chain, yes, totally. If it's something that if it's something that's on my mind.
SPEAKER_00:No, no. You said I need to ask three whys.
SPEAKER_03:I uh totally. Okay, totally.
SPEAKER_00:Because like if I'm asking you a question, right you need to be ready with your three answers somewhere else.
SPEAKER_03:But so now if you will just practice those little common things in communication, your communication will improve 100%. Absolutely, and so now let's move on to the communication with yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Because our monkey minds were run rampant about everything.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Be it finances, be it health, be it whatever. And Google makes it all worse. So lay off the Google people.
SPEAKER_00:Google punch.
SPEAKER_03:Unless you're Googling the spiritual grind, then that's okay. But or the Merc Centers. Or the Salty Tarot. Anyway, the the whole purpose behind it, when we are have a monkey mind and we look at are looking at stuff within ourselves, we have to be able to communicate clearly with ourselves as well.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03:So, like a prime example, you're a 75-year-old man and you're gonna go on a trip. And on this trip, you decide you're gonna go skydiving. The day of the skydive that you have scheduled, you wake up and not feeling so well, and you tell yourself, you better feel better because I'm I I'm not missing out on this. It's a lifelong dream.
SPEAKER_00:I've already paid for it, it's already scheduled.
SPEAKER_03:Right. And so as the day goes throughout the day, you're not communicating with yourself, like, okay, what's going on? Are you is it fear, is it stress? Find out what's causing the illness within you or the the bump against place. Well, I mean, why do you were you just fine, you schedule this trip, and then the day of you suddenly don't feel well.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You gotta figure out why.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And why why am I doing this? You know, like you you you brought up this morning about my blood pressure, and that's symbol and symbolic of things in our reality. And when you have under pressure, you know, like we're rolling out this new app and we're developing a new business, blah, blah, blah, we're going through all this, it can be very pressure oriented.
SPEAKER_00:Well, yeah, and we also talked about the two types of stress. There can be mental stress and there can be physical stress.
SPEAKER_03:Correct. And I've always been that guy that says, I don't even know what stress feels like because it's just me. But the reality is when I was in the shower today, I was asking myself the questions, like, are you stressed about things? You know, or go it's okay to talk to yourself. It don't make you crazy.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03:Just because society teaches, as long as you don't do it in public out in front of a like a you know, a storefront window and you're talking to yourself and saying stupid things, people aren't going to think you're crazy.
SPEAKER_00:Or you can just be that way.
SPEAKER_03:I do it and not give a shit what people talking to posts and sticking your tongue to a frozen post in the middle of winter is not normal.
SPEAKER_00:I know it's not, but I'm okay not being normal. I'm okay being weird.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That is actually a shirt.
SPEAKER_03:That is a shirt. We have it in the merch store.
SPEAKER_00:In the merch store.
SPEAKER_03:So it's okay to communicate with yourself.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03:It's okay to ask the questions, and you're gonna it's okay, like for example, if I it was the opposite end of the field or opposite end of the court, and I asked you, Did you make the car payment? I need to be humble enough to say, Why are you asking questions? I mean, let me To yourself. Right.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And to myself and say, Well, has she ever missed a car payment? I mean, is I mean, is my is my car here? You know, go through the processes of because it is a you know, those kind of things, especially if you are jamming somebody up that you have give given the authority to do things and you ask them, Well, did you make the car payment today? You need to be humble enough to stop and say, Why am I asking these questions?
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. Yeah, if I may tap in, that's a great perspective or viewpoint to incorporate in it.
SPEAKER_03:Totally.
SPEAKER_00:Is that if you're feeling the urge or the nudge to ask a question, especially like you said, if it's a topic that you've already negotiated in your relationship that the other person handles on a regular basis, if it's not warranted by some message from the bank with a legitimate thing, and it just pops into your reality that you need to ask this question, and it's not an intuitively advanced guided nudge to go to this person and say, Okay, I'm being told to tell you to check your blood pressure. Did you check it? Right. Yeah, and it's just a random question. You do need to stop and ask yourself, okay, why all of a sudden do I feel the urge to ask this person this particular question? And am I asking it from a true, authentic, I want knowledge basis? Right. Or am I asking it from a perspective that is showing me that I've got some garbage that's ready to look at, address, and deal with. And that's a very, very major part of communication is asking yourself first the whys.
SPEAKER_04:Correct.
SPEAKER_00:Because by doing that and and asking yourself the questions, you may come to a realization that you're doing it because of some old baggage that's popping up and presenting itself. Yeah, and once you stop and deal with that, the need to ask the question may very well absolutely resolve when you go through the questions like you showed. You know, has he ever missed a car payment? Is my car still sitting in the driveway?
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Have I gotten any messages from the financial institution that the bill hasn't been paid? Right. Like ask those prominent questions. And if they're all not giving you some indication that you need to ask the question, then it is some shitty drawers that you need to deal with. It's some baggage.
SPEAKER_03:Right. And and it's not fair to bring your baggage and punish somebody else with your old baggage.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And it's really it's not fair to do that to your body either. I agree. You can't you can't bring stuff to the table and then slap somebody else in the face with it. And this means they had zero to do with it.
SPEAKER_00:Right, especially if it coming, if it's coming from uh an event, circumstance, or involvement with another human that took place and that you're still hanging on to that bullshit to prematurely convict this person, situation, circumstance, or event of having the same qualities and the same outcome.
SPEAKER_03:Well, we do the same thing with our body. And like, like, for example, um, I know somebody that, you know, the her mother died of a heart attack at a young age.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And now she goes through her life with this belief that she's gonna die of a heart attack at a young age. And she's doing this to her own body. She's not stopping and say, Why do you think that's gonna happen? Because the reality is, is you all live completely different lives, and you've got to be inquisitive with yourself as well.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And and when any of those topics come up, you you need to say, Why do I have this fear? Why do I have this belief? Why do I have this event in my mind?
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And what can I do to stop thinking this way? Do it with your friends, any of your friends around, or any other acquaintance. You know, if you're jamming them up about how they're behaving, you gotta ask yourself why. Like I, you know, I I know we know females that were giving each other a hard time because one of them's got a new boyfriend and now she has a UTI.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:You know, come on. It why why would you jam somebody else up somebody up about that? Right. Why is it your business? Right.
SPEAKER_00:And you have to figure out why you why are you taking it unless that person comes to you and asks for your advice, it makes it your business.
SPEAKER_03:Right, right.
SPEAKER_00:Otherwise, you're just a nosy Nancy and stay the fuck out of other people's business. Right. Go buy a newspaper.
SPEAKER_03:Correct. You know, and that's the that's the key part is humility, I think. And the the key to communication is open-minded humility and asking the whys and being okay with the answers because you can't be defensive. If you ask a why, you have to accept the answer.
SPEAKER_00:That's right.
SPEAKER_03:And right.
SPEAKER_00:That's why I always preface when somebody asks me a question, I always say, You sure you want that answer? You sure you want the answer?
SPEAKER_03:You do that all the time.
SPEAKER_00:As long as you heard it, you can't unhear it. That's right. And I don't sugarcoat anything, so Yep.
SPEAKER_03:Here it is.
SPEAKER_00:I always ask the question.
SPEAKER_03:Here's your sign. The uh a whole part of this that I wanted to get communicated to people was is understand that uh questions and openness are not negatives.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Don't take it as you're being questioned. Don't take it as you're being that the other person is just diving into you. Right. And don't take it that with yourself of self-guilt and self-doubt and all that stuff. It is you have to figure out why. The question to life is why.
SPEAKER_00:That's why we're unless you are just being a nosy bitch and introjecting yourself into somebody else's bubble, right, or uh and haven't been invited, then it's an absolute no-no. Right. Stay the fuck out of other people's business if you haven't been invited.
SPEAKER_04:Correct.
SPEAKER_00:But yes, it's a vital place of getting to know the other party of that relationship, whatever type it is. Right. And that and it applies to all relationships employer, employee, yeah, spouse, loved one, family, children, friends, whatever.
SPEAKER_03:I remember talking to an old set of our residents.
SPEAKER_00:It even I want to go one more outside the box. It even as well with the relationship you have with money.
SPEAKER_04:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Personally, yeah. Why am I bothered by this particular situation that's going on? It doesn't have to be another human being. Right. You have communication and conversation that goes on inside of you when certain situations present themselves, even if there's not another human being around.
SPEAKER_03:Totally agree. Totally agree with what you're saying. Now I remember, and and I want to bring this topic up because I thought it was very enlightening for me. We had a set of our old residents at our when we ran the community.
SPEAKER_00:And old meaning past, or old meaning they were chronologically old.
SPEAKER_03:Both.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And they're they're both past now, too, by the way. So it's in the past and they're past. So and they were both old, and it was an old set. So yeah, all the above.
SPEAKER_01:All right.
SPEAKER_03:But I they had been together 77 years.
SPEAKER_01:Wow, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And uh you probably remember I'm talking about up in O'Cala. And I went to him and I said, How did y'all make it 77 years?
SPEAKER_00:Right. Where do you attribute to your longevity?
SPEAKER_03:And he said, You know, she woke up every day a different person, and I never stopped learning her.
SPEAKER_00:Beautiful words.
SPEAKER_03:And uh I was like, wow, that's a big statement for an old man to say. Because he was like in his I don't know, mid eighties.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. But it's spot on with what we believe and what we teach, is that every microsecond of every day you're a whole new person. Yeah. Because every event, every interaction changes you. And so you evolve every microsecond of the day, millions and billions of times a day, into a whole nother person. Right. And so when you stop learning who that person is, you're basically kind of just fizzle out and you're dead in the water.
SPEAKER_03:Well, and and so you you should take that bit of advice and turn it into everything that you know.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:You know, uh everything just because you've done it once don't mean it's the same today as it was yesterday.
SPEAKER_00:That's right.
SPEAKER_03:And becoming that inquisitive person that asks the why questions is the key to all communication.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. Childlike.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, a childlike, a childlike heart and childlike mentality.
SPEAKER_00:Well, yeah. Being uh inquisitive and curious about every aspect and being okay asking the questions and being okay with other people asking the questions. That's how we get to know each other. Yep, that's how we get to know ourselves, that's how we get to know the inner interchange and exchange around events that that you're going through. It's asking questions and getting the information.
SPEAKER_03:I'm going to tell everybody the story of little Steve.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know this story, I don't think. You don't.
SPEAKER_03:I don't think I've ever talked to you about it. There was a guy that used to work for a friend of mine. He ran a big uh commercial property company, he rented apartments and things. And Steve was his one of his maintenance men. And every day I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna call him Paul. Paul was my friend. He owned a large apartment company.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And Paul would call Steve and say, Steve, what'd you do today?
SPEAKER_00:Steve's the maintenance person.
SPEAKER_03:Steve's the maintenance person, Paul's the owner.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And Paul didn't even normally uh Steve actually works for Paul's um facilities director. And so, you know, Paul calling Steve is kind of going out of the realm of um chain of command.
SPEAKER_00:I see, okay.
SPEAKER_03:But for uh this went on for months.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And and Paul was just logging and writing down everything he did. Well, about another month later, Steve got tired of it and he went in the office and he blew a fit at Paul, wanting, you know, why are you making me justify my work and going went down this whole realm of inner baggage and fear. So instead of stop and saying to Paul, hey Paul, why you ask? Am I not doing something, or is there something I need to do better?
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Whatever, because what Steve didn't know, and he we called him Little Steve because he was like five foot six, he was like 80-bitty guy, like 90 pounds maybe, but a hell of a good maintenance guy.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:What Steve didn't know was that Paul had gotten a lot of really positive calls on him.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And he was tracking his motion because he was figuring out A, do I want to make him, do I want to promote him and pay him a lot more money? Or B, do I want to give him his own properties?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:He was actually trend, he was writing this stuff down and trying to trend what he does. And how do I how do I pay him or what can I do that justifies me what I'm thinking in my head?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And Steve ends up throwing his keys on the table before he Paul even answered. Oh my gosh. And he walks out. And as Steve walks out, Paul says Have you ever thought about asking why?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Instead of just accusing me of making you justify your job.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And and he holds up his log and shows it to him. He said, The reason why is because I was looking to promote you and pay you more money.
SPEAKER_00:Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark.
SPEAKER_03:And and Steve, of course, grobled.
SPEAKER_00:Of course.
SPEAKER_03:And and so Paul had the conversation, you know, maybe next time you should ask why.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And I would have told you because I had uh it had to be 50 compliments on you about how good you are, you're fast, efficient, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was actually thinking about making you a trainer. Where you train all of my guys because my customer reuse are up, everything's up. You're creating a good environment in my company.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And instead of being curious, he became accusative.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And so that's where life can really throw you a monkey wrench.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Your baggage can cause problems and you don't even know it.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_03:And so be you know, become a curious, become childlike and ask the wise. Anyway, I feel pretty complete.
SPEAKER_00:It's good, it's a good opportunity to reiterate changing your perspective. And if you're gonna look at things from one side of the coin, flip that coin over and ask the questions on the other side of the coin.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:If your monkey mind is saying he's jamming me up because he's getting ready to fire me, and the big boss is all up in my business. Stop and take a breath and look at the ulterior possibilities by flipping the coin over before you have a reaction instead of a response. Correct. Stop yourself.
SPEAKER_03:Yep. And so I know everybody's gonna want to know. Everybody's gonna ask. What? Yes, Paul gave Steve his job back. And a year later, he was actually his new facilities director because another thing that Steve didn't know was Paul's facilities director was retiring.
SPEAKER_00:Oh.
SPEAKER_03:And so a year later, he promoted him to facility director.
SPEAKER_00:I see.
SPEAKER_03:After he went, you know, he let him train for that year.
SPEAKER_00:After he made him go through some anger management classes.
SPEAKER_03:He did, and and he used to make him I remember because uh Paul and I would meet every morning for coffee. And Paul would make him come in the office every single morning and do affirmations with him.
SPEAKER_00:After that happened.
SPEAKER_03:After that happened, every morning. He would be like, Before you go to any site, you come to my office every morning. This went on.
SPEAKER_01:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:And uh Paul Paul did it just for to get a kick out of it, and but it changed him, and so it was it was a good scenario.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it was showing him a way kind of covertly how to create new thought patterns and habits. Yeah, and Steve probably went on to continue his morning affirmations because it was a habit and it felt good, even without having to be instigated by Paul.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, little Steve, man, he was a he was a character, man. He was he was a guy that was different, and Paul turned him into quite the successful guy.
SPEAKER_00:Very nice.
SPEAKER_03:Anyway, so that is the key success. I wanted to end that on a successful story. Yeah. Because when you do become open and receptive to to the whys and the curiosity and the the humbleness of understanding that people ask questions for a reason.
SPEAKER_00:And learning to evolve your communication skills.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, work on it.
SPEAKER_00:Communication is key. We can't get anything done without communicating in some way, form, or fashion.
SPEAKER_03:Agreed.
SPEAKER_00:And I mean, until telepathy is a thing that we've all acquired the skill of, we can't read each other's minds if our heads are up our ass.
SPEAKER_03:That's correct. So get the bullers.
SPEAKER_00:Communication, body language, all the different forms and kinds of communication are key. So ask the questions.
SPEAKER_03:I agree. I feel pretty complete.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that was good.
SPEAKER_03:Hey, you know, uh um, thank y'all for listening. Y'all check out the website www.themircenters.org. Check out the app website at www.thesalty tarot.net and be paying attention to some new things that are gonna be hitting that app.
SPEAKER_00:Peeking around the corner.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, this is an exciting thing. I think it's really exciting.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Um, y'all have no clue what's coming. It's gonna be cool.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's gonna knock your socks off.
SPEAKER_03:Knock your socks off. And don't forget to like, follow, and share.
SPEAKER_00:And don't forget to ring the bell.
SPEAKER_03:Hey, we hope you all have an awesome day.
SPEAKER_00:Love ya.
