The Spiritual Grind
Dr. Jenni PhD,RN,CHLC,CH and medium and Rev. James ORD, MhsB have spent countless years studying and practicing many modalities within the "Spiritual" domain. Dr. Jenni has dedicated her life to helping others by attending countless schools and developing each of her practices and strategies. Rev. James has studied many modalities and Native American practices and they have Both decided to open their library of knowledge to share this information with everyone in a down to earth style, with hope to assist in making your journey easier and more abundant.
The Spiritual Grind
Our Computer Died, But Our Conversation About Sex Is Just Getting Started
What happens when a broken computer leads to a breakthrough conversation about sex? In this raw and revealing episode, we dive deep into the baggage we all carry into our intimate relationships and how these unconscious patterns shape our experiences.
Starting with an unexpected tech failure, we discover how looking for the "why" behind challenges isn't always as important as making the right next choice. This principle becomes our framework for examining the complex, often uncomfortable topic of sex in committed relationships.
We candidly share how men are often programmed to view sex as conquest and performance, while women frequently approach it as obligation and duty. These contrasting perspectives create disconnection right where we most crave intimacy. Through personal stories and professional insights from our counseling work, we illustrate how sexual expectations can either strengthen or sabotage relationships.
The conversation explores society's damaging templates around sexuality – from the "wifely duty" mindset that turns intimacy into a chore, to the manipulation tactics that use sex as currency. We examine how childhood exposures and parental modeling shape our adult behavior, sometimes in ways we don't recognize until they're causing problems in our relationships.
Most importantly, we emphasize the power of authentic communication. The ability to openly discuss desires, boundaries, and feedback without shame or defensiveness transforms sex from a potential battleground into a genuine spiritual connection. When partners can speak honestly about what works and what doesn't, they create space for true pleasure and intimacy.
This episode marks the beginning of a series on spiritual sex – reclaiming the natural, joyful exchange of energy that gets buried under societal programming. Join us for this candid conversation that will have you questioning your own beliefs and perhaps opening new dialogues with your partner.
What beliefs about sex are you ready to examine? What conversations have you been avoiding? Share your thoughts in the comments, and don't forget to subscribe for part two of this important discussion.
Good morning everybody. Welcome back to the Spiritual Guide. I'm here. We're here again in studio, Dr Jenny and myself. It's our studio. Good morning, it's our cockpit studio.
Speaker 2:Cockpit studio. The cockpit.
Speaker 1:In the front of our motorhome, which we're loving it.
Speaker 2:Loving it Having a good time.
Speaker 1:We have a Winnebago Adventurer 37F Gold Crown Series motorhome.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Class A.
Speaker 2:It's fun.
Speaker 1:We enjoy it.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:Anyway, so hell, we've had a fun journey today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but that's not my topic today. It's actually good afternoon. Yeah, it is actually good afternoon.
Speaker 1:We've been having to run around all day because my computer decided to quit working and when you're in the process of developing a whole bunch of stuff like video for the podcast and website and the shopify store and blah and a whole lot of stuff, right, computer going out is um not beneficial.
Speaker 2:Not beneficial, no nothing about. It was no it was a good little computer let me refrain.
Speaker 1:It did not go out. I I turned it into an old man. It it. It could not function anymore. It was saying he's too old and he needs a walker. I had it too full, the memory was too full and it won't do anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a tiny little memory anyway.
Speaker 1:I took it to the that's what she said and I took it to the computer guy and he was like, yeah, no, you're done, and so new computer. It was today.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:So I got me a good one. Got me a good one, I ain't got to worry about it now for a while.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, we did our research, went to a couple of different places.
Speaker 1:We did.
Speaker 2:Collected our data and then made our decision.
Speaker 1:You know what I discovered? For the same amount of money, you can go to one of these used computer places that build their own computers and all that stuff and actually get a better computer for less money.
Speaker 2:For sure, yeah and it does come with a guarantee, comes with a warranty, 90-day warranty right, and I think, while we were there, one of the things that came up was remembering not to judge a book by its cover yeah, right, yeah, I agree because you were kind of analyzing okay. Which one do I want was remembering not to judge a book by its cover. Yeah, right, yeah, I agree, Because you were kind of analyzing okay which one do I want? And you were reading what kind of computer it was.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but remembering that the inside's been completely redone. Yeah, it was completely redone Like. The one we got is an IBM Linux ThinkPad and it's like massively fast now because I had him upgrade to RAM while we were there, right, and so now it's got twice as much.
Speaker 2:RAM, and we didn't do it from a place of oh my gosh, we don't have enough money to just go buy a new one.
Speaker 1:Right? No, we went. We went with the budget, we went with a budget.
Speaker 2:Yeah, new one, right? No, we know, we went, we went with the budget, we went with a budget. We went and we did look at new verses, refurbished and collected our information we did and it was uh interesting decided on a like I we went to.
Speaker 1:We went to one place I'm not going to name off any names and I looked at a computer and it was769, just for a desktop, for the tower Right. And then I go to another place and I find the exact same computer, identical name brand, everything is identical for $399.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's just the tower. Of course I didn't come with a keyboard or any of that. And I was like, hmm, curious, and it had the high-end, didn't come with a keyboard or any of that, but and I was like, hmm, curious, and so and it had the high end processor in it. And so we looked around and I looked on chat GBT and chat GBT said there was this computer place down here at the flea market that the guy refurbishes and he had like 1200 reviews and 4.91 average. And so I looked him up and we went down there and he wasn't there anymore.
Speaker 2:No, he wasn't. We're not sure what that journey was about.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then I looked it up and it said that he had moved in town and then renamed his shop. Yeah, and it came up with two and then so. But then we meet another guy here and he said no, he wasn't him. So I assume it's the other guy that did it before him, and so. Maybe, but anyway. So maybe, but anyway so uh and so we got this new computer that's better than the $759 one that we.
Speaker 1:I priced, yeah, for a third of what. That price was right. And so I'm like, wow, and it's got the high-end processor and I mean it doesn't have a terabyte of storage, which who needs a terabyte of storage? Nowadays? Everything's web-based, you have clouds and you have, you don't? I mean, I don't know, maybe you need a terabyte for something, if you're a gamer.
Speaker 2:maybe that's above my pay grade.
Speaker 1:But anyway. So I'm going to set it all up after this podcast and see how it goes.
Speaker 2:Very excited.
Speaker 1:I think the main part of that was realizing that things happen sometimes. That things happen sometimes and not understanding how it got manifested into my reality is not always as important as working through that process properly. Not understanding, I mean it's like yeah, my computer went out, why? Why did my computer stop? Why did I bring this into my reality Right? And sometimes that's not as important as making sure that you do the right thing next.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Like, a lot of people would have got mad. You know, punch the screen. That's.
Speaker 2:That would have been me 20 years ago, or gotten mad and said you know F it, I'm going down to buy a new one. They end up with a two-.
Speaker 1:A paperweight in a year.
Speaker 2:A thousand dollar or $2,000 computer that they didn't necessarily need all the bells and whistles, versus stopping and saying, okay, what's the goal, what's the agenda, what do we want to spend on it? We kind of make a game out of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and like that guy, that one guy, he was like trying to sell me the best that they had on the market At the store At the store and it was a gaming one and it was an open box special and store for that the store.
Speaker 1:and it was a gaming one and it was an open box special and it was still like 1400 bucks. The computer that we just bought is equal to it, right? And I was like, are you kidding me? The only thing difference is it had a terabyte of storage and this one doesn't have a full terabyte, it's like 580 something yeah, and it was a quarter of the price yeah, less than a quarter, but anyway. So what made me discover?
Speaker 2:is this because it's new or?
Speaker 1:just because it's at a a quarter of the price? Yeah, less than a quarter, definitely, anyway. So what made me discover is, just because it's new or just because it's at a name brand store don't mean it's the best thing on the market.
Speaker 1:Well, I think the other discovery in that was you were spending all that time waiting for the computer to work until you got on my computer and everything was so much faster oh my gosh, I have been like doing designs for the store and putting the books together that we're publishing and doing all this stuff, and we use multiple different things like adobe and canva and um, you know just, there's many things that we use for designing these things and and I couldn't get my computer to work. The other day I think it was Tuesday morning and I got on Jenny's computer, which is right there, which you all can see.
Speaker 2:Unless you take it away when you do the video.
Speaker 1:And then I was like, wow, because Jenny's computer is brand new and it's top of the line. It's got everything. It's got a terabyte of storage's got. Um, it's got 30, 38 gigabytes of ram, or 32 gigabytes of ram it's like extremely fast and I thought these sites that we were using were like I thought you know, using ai and generating pictures and videos and doing these things was.
Speaker 1:I thought it was the software that was slowing everything down until I got on her computer and it was like damn. I was like wow, right, I have spent so much time doing this stuff, and how much time I mean wow.
Speaker 2:I mean I got like four things done in a matter of 10 minutes on your computer that would have took me all day on yours online yeah, I think the takeaway from that is is number one you don't know what you don't know right, I didn't know yeah and so if things are slower, then it's a good idea to look at all 360 degrees of it agreed and if it's slow because it's a physical attribute yeah then it's okay to give yourself permission to upgrade your tools agreed to get the agenda done, because that can take away the joy yes if it's something, and and I know for me, that's why I have the kind I have because if I sit down to do something that I enjoy, which is writing or creating whatever I'm creating, if my tool is inconvenient or misbehaving, boom, it takes me right out of that moment of joy, it brings me right into of that moment of joy it brings me right into that frustration frequency right and I don't want to do it anymore that's what happened to me this morning.
Speaker 1:You got the shower I'm gonna go work on, I'm gonna go sit down and work on the stuff for the uh store, and I sit down and the computer wouldn't do crap. And I was just like, all right, okay, whatever. And I started to get on your computer and then I was like you know what if she needs it, because I know you were talking about doing some things today and so I was like, well, that just leaves me sitting here twiddling my damn thumbs, because it literally wouldn't do anything. It wouldn't do nothing. And so I was like, okay, let me grab the tiddlywinks and go sit down on the floor and call my friends over and I'll play tiddlywinks in the floor.
Speaker 2:The cats won't even play with you because their nap time is gone.
Speaker 1:Right, they were gone. Yeah, they weren't even around. But the but, the whole point of it was for me was like okay, I was at first frustrated and I went into that. Why is this? Why did?
Speaker 2:I put this in my reality yeah, and then.
Speaker 1:And then I realized you know, there's not a there who cares, because knows a lot more than I do right and so there's a reason for it. There's a reason why it happened. Who knows, it could be down the road, maybe this computer, who knows? Right and and it's not as important for me to realize that, hey, you know I didn't really create this, and but there's a reason that spirit saying okay, it's time for you to do something different with this.
Speaker 2:Well, just to clarify, you did create it, but yes the knowing why you created it. If it's not blatantly obvious right then, then you either don't need to know it right now, it was just used to get you motivated to go in the direction of the direction that you were supposed to go, or you've got some sort of belief to look at. I didn't?
Speaker 1:Did you hear her? She said that I created it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you did.
Speaker 1:She did that.
Speaker 2:No, you created that in your reality, but it's a good example of that's what it sounded like in my head.
Speaker 1:This make clear you created it. What? The hell, you say but to me it was like almost spirit reaching the. I could picture a spirit reaching their hand out and saying look, come on, I got you, let's go right, I created it just to get you going in a different direction yeah, and something, something had to change and so that's right, and I was probably because I've been trying to get all this stuff done, I feel like it's taking forever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, now I know why. Right, because it was taking forever. Yeah, like I mean that one day I got like three or four things done and I was like that's it Right. Normally I would have got, I would have completed everything, yeah. And then when I was trying to do the store and get that developed and and up and running and set up, wow, what a difference that was. What a difference. That is because, like the speed, cause I was waiting most of the time for images and for for uh, products to pop up, and I would, I would click on a product and it would be you see the little spinning thing 20 minutes later and then suddenly it pops up. And then when you go to change anything and save it, sometimes it wouldn't even save.
Speaker 1:It would just like spin itself out until I had to do twice.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:But I'm excited to set my new pewter up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, definitely, I'm excited for you, anyway. So what's the topic today?
Speaker 1:Well, I thought the topic well okay. So this is a topic that comes up in our reality a lot and it comes up in a lot of people's reality and I think we really need to talk about it okay is when you're in a committed, committed relationship with somebody is that what we're calling it now?
Speaker 1:we're married. Sorry, you can't get rid of me that easy and I have a piece of paper on the wall. It wasn't on the wall, but it's somewhere. But you know we come with baggage and we talked about this on our podcast before. We spilled it all out there.
Speaker 2:We bring baggage, yeah they all do.
Speaker 1:But if they don't recognize that they're baggage and they think they're perfect, then they. But if they don't recognize that they're ragged and they think they're perfect, then buyer beware.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:Because we all have patterns, programs and beliefs that aren't serving us anymore that we have a tendency to hang on to.
Speaker 2:Yep.
Speaker 1:And one topic that comes up a lot and it came up when I was doing the counseling with a couple back in the Bay Area and I know it's come up with you and that is expectations on one topic and that is sex.
Speaker 2:Ooh, yeah, it is a very entailed deep subject.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so you know, my topic of the day is spiritual sex. Let's be real about it. It's time to be real about sex and what sex is. Yeah, you know, I was raised a couple of ways and I was taught a couple of ways. I was raised you know that, like my parents, they've been together over 60 years.
Speaker 2:Can we say sex on the radio? Yeah, you can?
Speaker 1:You can, just can't put it in the description and we're not on the radio. By the way, it's called freedom of speech, love. We can say anything we want to do on the air. We just can't put it in the description, because typing it is not speaking it.
Speaker 2:So what do you have to do? Like put a character.
Speaker 1:Yeah, put a little character in there between the S and the X.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, gotcha.
Speaker 1:They can't take our freedom of speech away. Oh, okay, so when you go into a relationship and you have the baggage, people come into that the sexual side, like I would like I was saying. I was raised with taught beliefs and then later on learned beliefs yeah um, like my parents, you know, I know my mom has never been with another another man ever, just my dad, and they've been together over 60 years, um yeah, you don't really look like everybody else, so that's questionable I know right, I'm kidding.
Speaker 1:I wondered that myself. Actually, I wondered if I wouldn't related to my uncle gary. Yeah, no, I'm kidding, I don't know anyway. Uh, so maybe the milkman, and remember that was a joke back in the day. You must be the milkman, and remember that was a joke back in the day. You must be the milkman's kid, right? And you know, my friend growing up used to say that too. You don't look nothing like your parents or your brother. Why are you adopted? I don't know how many times.
Speaker 2:I got it, I got it.
Speaker 1:I'm like, I don't know, maybe, and I've always thought so much different to them, who knows.
Speaker 2:We digress. Yeah, I was kidding.
Speaker 1:Digress, but and uh, then, you know, as we age and we grow older, like especially in, in and I I'm going to talk for the boys and the men as we, you know, we grow up with three things that we get taught A is the size of of your member makes a big difference. And b, the more you use it, the better you are okay that's how we were taught back in my day.
Speaker 1:Now it may have changed a little bit now. And then the third thing is if you don't use it, it'll fall off. That used to be a joke. Seriously, it was a joke. Back in day I heard that from everybody in my family. I snorted and you know. And then it used to be a big deal to masturbate. If you masturbate you're bad. Oh my God, you're going to go green herring upon your hand and they would do that just to see if you were masturbating, because you would go no, I'm not. I mean what? But sex comes with all sorts of different negative topics behind it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the reality of sex is it's very easily defined, which is much different than it was 100 years ago.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, I know, you know sex is really used for two things pleasure and procreation. Yeah, and that's the only benefit of it. Now we use it Now, society uses it in all different ways, and this is where all the confusion comes in.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:We use it to sell things.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:They use sexuality to sell things, to pronoun things to, which is look, I'm not talking about negative, about pronouns at all. I don't care what you are, as long as you're spiritual and true and honest and have morals and ethics, I don't care. Yeah, um, I don't care.
Speaker 1:You know we use, they use sex to um, manipulate realities, gets used yeah and and and, so it confuses things for control they use sex for control in a lot of ways and it has confused a lot of things along the way, and when we we don't look at old beliefs, patterns and programs and what's not serving us and what is serving us, it can cause some ruckus in your life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, like for me from the female perspective. We were taught that it's kind of from the June Cleaver era, I suppose, because for me a lot of my stuff came from my grandparents from that era. The belief for the female was that it's their job to keep their man happy.
Speaker 1:It's a what it's a duty. It's a duty, it's an assignment. It's a checklist. Yeah, it's a chore. It's a what Sexually? It's a duty, it's a duty, it's an assignment.
Speaker 2:It's a checklist. Yeah, it's a chore, it's a chore list.
Speaker 1:Clean the house, get the kids to school, pack their lunches, send them off to work in the morning with his lunch so he can come home in the evening for a hot cooked meal on the bed. Give the kids a bath, feed the kids a bath, do the homework with the kids, put the kids to bed and serve your husband. Sex, sex.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Even if it's just 30 seconds.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Two pump chump. That's another thing that we were taught as men is if you can't go a long time and then you're useless and nobody enjoys it, but you yeah. That used to be my joke.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Satisfy myself was all I worried about.
Speaker 2:The other thing that females are taught when you get older, and not necessarily from a parental standpoint, but from friends. You get taught that you can use sex as a form of manipulation towards the male culture.
Speaker 1:Totally.
Speaker 2:And so and their emails are out there and they use it to manipulate situations. Listen, if that didn't happen, directions.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, if that didn't happen, there wouldn't be websites out there like sugar baby. Yeah, you know we saw that show that night on that girl, that whatever show that we were watching, where that girl was like 22 and she was seeing a 70 year old guy and but not having sex.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But he was paying her five thousand dollars a month and paying her rent and give her a car. Come on you know, that's just. And so she was using sex to manipulate this yeah, yep, of course, and 100 and so it causes can cause some ruckus in your world.
Speaker 2:Sex is a very entailed topic it can definitely cause some uh confusion, right, especially Especially when you go into a committed relationship and you find yourself wanting to free up your hard drive and there's a joke in that somewhere.
Speaker 1:Let me free up my hard drive.
Speaker 2:No, I mean your other hard drive, know this one oh okay, I thought you meant lower the zipper anyway no, when you get to a place where you are looking for just authenticity and you don't like. For me, I kept and even to this day it keeps kind of trying to pop up and I still struggle with it of being the wifely duty and here's the rest of that comma.
Speaker 2:If you don't take care of your man at home, men always want sex. So if you don't take care of him at home, he is going to find it somewhere, and it's not by means of his own self, is what we're taught. We're taught that there's other females out there that will snag him out from underneath you and tend to his business if you don't right, no right.
Speaker 2:So it's a fear-based template that we do, and so a lot of times. What happens then for the female is it takes away the ability to enjoy it and it takes away the ability to really tune into that individual on, um, like an energetic connection type place, or even just allowing sex to feel good in your own body and knowing what that feels like in your physical body because you're so focused on it being about him and getting the chore done that. It causes you to look at it in a much different way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's in, in, in from coming from the man side of that. When it becomes well, it would put yourself in the man's shoes. You're walking into the scenario and every single day the same thing happens. Every third day sex is involved or whatever. It is Cause people get in these weird routines and they do weird things.
Speaker 2:But that's why? Because if the female is being taught that we have to meet this agenda of providing sex for the male so we can perform our wifely duty.
Speaker 1:That way he won't go. We are keeping up. Keep his belly full and his balls drained.
Speaker 2:Right, my God, that sounds awful.
Speaker 1:That's what I've heard. Old ladies tell that to their daughters. I've heard that before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly. And so we have in our mind, even on a subconscious level, a time clock going yeah. And if it's been so long, what I'm working on and I'll talk about me, what I am having to work on is coming out of that pattern and not allowing this time clock, which I don't even know what the time frequency is One day, one week, like I can't even tell you. But there's a certain point in that where my nervous system throws up red flags and says, oh my God, I know it's been a minute, I gotta go into wifely duty mode and make sure that his needs are met and I kind of go into this panic mode state where I've got to like tone it back down, like and god forbid.
Speaker 1:You're the guy in that scenario, because when, when that kind of thought happens with your wife, if you're focused on doing other things, you are suddenly doing bad things yeah, for sure, for sure.
Speaker 2:It causes monkey mind issues. It does 100%. And you know, back in the day it was much worse than it is now, I feel like, because then it would be everything was a red flag.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, you know what he went to the store to pick up a loaf of bread. I know I've gone with him and it takes 10 minutes and it's been 13. Ridiculous.
Speaker 1:That means he's got time to stop by, see a girl, kiss her, get back in the car, even taken into consideration Red lights, green lights- the line at the checkout, the logical logistics of actually getting there, there being a long line. You know, that does come up a lot Like when I was doing the couples counseling back in the bay with that couple with their names and he brought up about cheating and she, because she did 15 years ago and I said okay, so she cheated 15 years ago but not, not on him.
Speaker 1:Not on. That's where I would go next. You spoiled it.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, spoiler alert.
Speaker 1:And I said so. She cheated on you 15 years ago. No, no, no, it wasn't with me.
Speaker 2:So you're convicting her? Where's your noise?
Speaker 1:What.
Speaker 2:I feel like you need a noise for that.
Speaker 1:Like push one of those buttons, oh Like.
Speaker 1:So you're worried constantly about this woman cheating Because she cheated 15 years ago and, by the way, she's only 33. 16 years ago, whatever, she was like 17. She cheated on her boyfriend and she told him the story because she was trying to have full disclosure. Never cheated on him, but because of that scenario that she told him in full disclosure, he has now controlled every bit of her life for over 14 years, like tracing her on the phone and she's letting him. If it's 30 or 45 minutes without a call, he's you know on this phone and I'm just like bro, you're psychotic in this scenario but the weird thing about it to me is that why?
Speaker 2:why is she letting him do that?
Speaker 1:well, you know, that's where I got to that a little later on, but the the thing that I wanted to bring the attention of that is he was allowing sex and the thought of sex and the thought of her having sex with somebody else totally, control totally control his, his conscious mind yeah, like everything he did was based around. When she got off, when you know, it was all like this whole day he did was more worried about what she was doing other than accomplishing his goals in life.
Speaker 2:Almost like husband stalker.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was an odd situation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it happens. I mean it's out there.
Speaker 1:And it took me 60 days to get him to actually stop and say maybe I am and I'm like Maybe this is not a logical behavior. Maybe this is not healthy Because he was like having hell, heart problems and all sorts of crap at like 30.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, no wonder. Yeah, you're creating a reality of a broken heart. And so why are you having heart problems, right? Because you think she's going to do something to you. Yeah, and so the the whole scenario for me in sex in the taught because he was taught that way, and then I find out later that he was exposed to multiple times of his dad cheating on his mother.
Speaker 2:Right, I was going to say if you come out of the gate as a child having kind of a wonky perspective or definition that you're taught it's a rough ride. I mean that's basically what happened with me and my situation. I came out of the gate going into the pre-adult age very confused about what a relationship is supposed to be because, unlike you, my parental situation was very, very different. My parents divorced the first time whenever I was seven-ish. Then they got back together, remarried and then divorced. They did that.
Speaker 1:And then married somebody else and were still going back to each other to have sex.
Speaker 2:Well, they remarried each other several times before they did the final. Like that's it. And then what happened is they were having sex with each other in a hidden format and we came home and caught them. Wah, wah, wah.
Speaker 1:Did you say caught them? Yes, as in like eyeball to eyeball.
Speaker 2:Yes. Reverse cowgirl looking at you coming in the front door yes.
Speaker 1:Holy cow.
Speaker 2:Yes mind, warping, full stroke caught them, but the you said full stroke. The queer place about it, the hard to digest place about it, was they were both. My mother was actually remarried, yeah, and my father was dating an individual. So they were in relationships, committed relationships.
Speaker 2:So I guess you know what they say tell me you need therapy without telling me you need therapy right yeah, yeah, totally so I went into adulthood not really even knowing what that is truly supposed to be right, screwed up. I just knew going into it that I didn't want that. Yeah, it didn't feel right, maybe, or something. There was something about that that I didn't want.
Speaker 1:Yeah, understood.
Speaker 2:I wanted it to look differently.
Speaker 1:I had some screwed up views about sex as I aged.
Speaker 2:But I also didn't want to. I'm a big contender of the. I don't want to box someone in and take away their freedom to move about their journey as they see fit with these weird staunch dumbass. Societally taught nonsensical things, and so I wanted someone that would, I guess, work through even the sex or the relationship or the marriage. I can give that person the freedom to incorporate other beings, we just have to talk about it.
Speaker 1:Okay, so in other words, you're saying that you were willing to be open-minded about things. Well, I mean, even now you and I have talked about it. Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2:I'm open to other ideas but, I, want to have a full disclosure conversation first. Yeah, totally About it.
Speaker 1:And the reality of that subject for a lot of people is very faux pas.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because like, oh my God, you know because listen. When men were cavemen.
Speaker 2:They had several partners.
Speaker 1:They had several partners, and there are still religions at this day that have seven or eight wives.
Speaker 2:Of course.
Speaker 1:But the thing is, is our religions, our Western religion has taught people sex is not natural. And because sex is a natural instinct in all humans men, women, whatever, whatever your gender is, it doesn't matter, it's a natural instinct to do. Cats do it, dogs do it and all the animals do it. We're all an animal, we are warm-blooded critter, critters and that's what we do. You know when are procreating? When you're in that stage.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And there comes a point in your life where you quit procreating, and so it's about pleasure. And sometimes, when you are procreating, it's just about pleasure.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And come into the understanding of the full beliefs, Like for me, for us, as kids I was, you know we were taught it was a conquering thing.
Speaker 2:For the guy.
Speaker 1:For the guy.
Speaker 2:For the male species.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, you see that girl over there. Bro, I'm taking that one home tonight.
Speaker 2:That's my trophy for the evening.
Speaker 1:Right, it became about conquering. And then it becomes about especially if you have that void inside, like I did. You know which? If you read in my book, the unlock that I'm about to release, you'll know that I searched for a very long time for this void that I had. Yeah, and it caused me to do some stupid things. You know sex, drugs, rock and roll, whatever you know the old football stuff. I did some crazy things, but sex to me was always more about the conquering than it was the pleasure. And it wasn't until I met you that I could take that off my plate, because she made it completely open to cheat. And so you know what it's kind of like telling a kid that you can have all the ding-dongs you want and you put 50 boxes of ding-dongs in the closet, about a box or two in. They're kind of done eating ding-dongs. And so it took that conquering mindset away and that's okay for me. It is for the first time in my life I'm pretty peaceful when it comes to sex inside of me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it doesn't have to be a performance-based thing, right, you know, for me I am looking for a more of an authentic energetic exchange of interaction and energy.
Speaker 1:Right, I agree. Yeah, it's not about More of a natural flow and that's not about I smell something.
Speaker 2:Right, and on the female side, it's it. It wasn't about conquering Right. Well, now I say that I'll tell you like in high school it could have been. It could have been about conquering you know, Like, if you're. Well, I knew women that conquered If you sleep with the captain of the football team for the female. You and you're not part of the cheer team or in that loop. Yeah, it is definitely. It's like oh, I can put that one on my belt even as a female.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, Guess who I slept with. Yeah, Captain of the football. Oh yeah, yeah look at me. Yeah, I know a lot of women that did that and used it to conquer things.
Speaker 2:Well, and even in their adult life yeah, still to this day. I know women that have done it to conquer things. Well, yeah, being able to notch their belt with famous people, or famous sports people, or I remember when I became a restaurant owner the uh sexy one in the group, you know group of women together. They go to the bar and play, and so why is that?
Speaker 1:answer that question. What question? Why is it when a group of women together that go to the bar and play.
Speaker 2:So why is that Answer that question? What question?
Speaker 1:Why is it? When a group of women go to the bar, there's normally three of them Right, there's a good looking one, there's the chubby one and then there's the one that's never had sex before. That is the designated driver. Why do women do that?
Speaker 2:why do those three come together?
Speaker 1:Yeah, why, why? Why is it always that it's like it's that role? I've been asked this question by guys before. That's why I'm asking.
Speaker 2:I think it. I think that particular scenario that you're putting forth is more of a cause in the guy's world it's called the wingman thing.
Speaker 1:A wingman yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for girls. We don't really talk about it. It's not like we go around and say, okay, we're looking for the fat girl in our group and you look like you might be kind of fun. Do you want to come be the fat girl in our group? Like we don't do that. Yeah, and no offense we're not being judgmental, by the way, as you can tell, and you look like the nerdy. I've never had sex person in the group, so I'm looking for somebody to carry that. I think what happens is is that you've got that confident, good looking female and if she's not altogether healthy, what happens is she'll unconsciously Attract those she views as weaker or lower Right.
Speaker 2:Because it's an energetic exchange and the relationships get created this way. So let me take you to a rabbit hole place right quick.
Speaker 1:I really thought we were going to get through this one and talk about the rabbit hole, but that's okay, no, never Listen.
Speaker 2:I tell you at the very beginning pack your carrot sandwiches. You never know when you're going down a rabbit hole. So it's a subconscious thing that happens in the female world. We don't go to each other and say, hey, can you be my wingman tonight?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It doesn't work like that. We don't even talk about it, it just kind of happens.
Speaker 1:You know me and my buddies just be like wingman for life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, we don't. So what happens is society has built the image of the perfect woman.
Speaker 1:Agreed.
Speaker 2:They're a certain body build, they have a certain features about them.
Speaker 1:And thank God they've changed that by Uh-huh Agreed. Each female will perceive themselves in a certain way, and it never matches that image. Right.
Speaker 2:So what it does is it whittles away at their self-worth their confidence, their body image and that holds an energetic frequency yeah, and that holds an energetic frequency yeah. So they will naturally be drawn to those people females that align with how they see themselves six foot and you know, 19 pounds model material because they're 22 pounds, yeah, they can see themselves as heavy.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And they don't want somebody that's 19 pounds hanging around with them. Understood so they become friends with someone that's 25 pounds.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2:The fat girl right, it's an ego, it's not, it's not on a conscious level. No, I go out and consciously uh, what do you call it when you?
Speaker 1:right, and so I hope everybody understands that we're not judging people by their size. We're just giving you scenarios based on how it? Questions that we've had as coaches and counselors and have what we have witnessed over the years and what I. What I meant earlier by saying you know the mixture of the three is because that scenario actually happens to the state a lot still it does and I got asked here right before we left the bay area to come over here. But why does that always happen?
Speaker 2:right, and even the, the girl that's the virgin and is the smart one, that still is an energetic, it's an energetic thing. They bring that one in because the pretty girl is usually the dingy blonde or the ding dong that doesn't have a brain. The pretty- ones don't have the brain, so they start to buy into that concept that society has shoved in our face. And quick note and, if you, are smart, you usually dumb it down because we're taught that guys don't want us to be smarter than them, because it's not an attractive feature.
Speaker 2:Okay that's the caveat there, yeah we're taught that if we're too smart, then guys won't want us around yeah, you were taught.
Speaker 1:I think that's up the kink.
Speaker 2:Macho entity. Persona of the man.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I know you like to think that it's changed.
Speaker 1:Well, I think a lot of that has changed A lot of things. Like I just read that email I got the other day on the because, you know, ever since I did the research for the Merck Centers, I get these emails from the university studies and stuff.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah.
Speaker 1:And from 91 to 2000, the average number of high school graduates, percentage-wise, that were graduating as a virgin was less than 20%. Okay 20 to 2010,. It was now it had moved up to almost 30%. And they're saying now from 2010 to 2020, that is up in almost 50% range.
Speaker 2:Good, yeah, and so progress there, but the crazy part about this thing Well, it's not because we want them to be virgins, it's because the females have taken it off their chore list well, that's what I'm gonna have sex now if and when I want to right not because I think that I have to have sex with you to make you love me or to make you want to hang on to me it's on a tour right in a relationship with me or be married to me, because I'm willing to have sex with you on the frequency that you want me to have.
Speaker 1:Frequency meaning right once a day, twice a day, once a week, three times a week, whatever that number is, but the caveat of that study that I was reading the number of men has went down and number of women has came up that aren't virgins. So the men are keeping their virginity more and women are keeping their virginity less, but the overall number has went up.
Speaker 2:I see.
Speaker 1:When it comes to comparing the percentages, and so, and that's actually a very good thing, I think, because, just like you said, now we're in a different mindset. We're in a different mindset that you will have sex when you want to have sex, and it's not a chore, it's not something you got to do to make somebody love you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it is not. It is not there to manipulate Right. It is not there to manipulate Right. It is there to procreate or pleasure.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And it is okay if you're an adult, it's okay either way, right, right.
Speaker 1:It's okay to have sex. It's okay not to have sex. It's okay to be balanced Right.
Speaker 2:I think another topic is that we as a society need to get more comfortable talking about this three-letter word that's so taboo? Yeah, it is a topic kind of like finances. It's a hard topic for a lot of people to talk about, especially with their partner.
Speaker 1:It wasn't for me.
Speaker 2:Which is it's got some irony wrapped in it, because this person your partner has been in places that are very vulnerable.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But yet you can't open your mouth and talk about them. Yeah, that seems a little screwy to me.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:But I get it. It can cause, you know, it can cause arguments, it can cause conflict, especially if the other person's not healthy and whole about it. It can put everybody in a defensive place very quickly yeah. Especially if in the man's bubble there's what did you mention, If there's like a size, confidence issue yeah, confidence issue yeah. Or if there's a.
Speaker 1:If you're not big enough, they don't want you anyway.
Speaker 2:Right, if there's some of those baggages.
Speaker 1:Not once did they ever teach me that the average size of the American male is five and a half inches. And you know what they teach on the female side, because I have almost been average for at least 20 years, like we've been reading the ruler wrong for decades. This is 12 inches.
Speaker 2:Because they've been teaching us that five and a half inches is like this the men have. And listen, ladies, we have woken up and we know that five and a half is really this size.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Just kidding.
Speaker 1:No, you know, and that's really what this whole thing is about. It's about openness to talking about it in any way without offending anybody.
Speaker 2:Well, now hold on a second, being able to openly, freely talk about it and not worry about offending right because if someone gets offended in the conversation, it's the person who's getting offended that has the problem.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:Like in mine and your situation. If I'm talking openly and freely and you get offended, it's you that needs to look at the baggage, not me.
Speaker 1:Now, let me throw a little disclaimer out there. That does not count at work. Throw a little disclaimer out there. That does not count at work. If you have a job and you open it, you have to be yeah, let's not. Let's not do that at work, because it can be an hr issue for you what talking about sex? Yeah yeah, I, I definitely wouldn't talk about sex at work yeah, and just remember that if you overhear a sexual conversation at work, it is an HR issue, but anyway.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:But if it doesn't really offend, you don't make nothing of it, for no reason.
Speaker 2:I mean, if it's not your bubble, it's not your freaking business.
Speaker 1:Stay in your bubble, man.
Speaker 2:Like get out of everybody's freaking bubble.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That's another thing that the world would be much better off if people just stayed to their own freaking bubble.
Speaker 1:You know, and the sex topic. I think that we'll continue on.
Speaker 1:We'll do a part two for sex, because you know, spiritual sex, there's so much to sex. There's beliefs behind it, like we're just we're opening up in some now. But the main part about sex is being able to talk about it. Talk about sex, what, every aspect of it, with your partner, with your kids, you know, because it's so important to teach them the right things in life, which the conversation that I never got. I never got that as a when I was growing up no, yeah, I didn't either.
Speaker 1:I learned about sex from my friends at school, who learned about that, about sex from god knows where I, I mean, I learned it from sneaking into my dad's locker and reading, reading playboy magazine and and, uh, watching videos that were the vhs tapes right, but if you did that as a girl, you were like the freaky tease that was yeah like it wasn't okay for girls to do that same thing in our era.
Speaker 2:It was very like eh. You're not very ladylike. You're a slut, oh my God.
Speaker 1:You watch?
Speaker 2:what you read, what? Oh my God, you're such a tease. You're such a slut.
Speaker 1:It was not okay. They used to call you something Mattress, what they used to call me. Girls like that.
Speaker 2:It wasn't like one word, it was like a phrase. You carry your mattress on your back.
Speaker 1:Or mattress, something I don't remember.
Speaker 2:Mattress Maggie.
Speaker 1:But the whole purpose behind all this is getting this started and open is, first of all, talk about the beliefs and be able to openly talk about sex, yeah, with your mate, with your kids, with whoever Right you know, because sex is sex, it is what it is. Man, right, we all do it, just like masturbation, we all do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if anybody tells you they don't masturbate, they're liars. There's definitely a song about that and I think, coming into the relationship that and I think coming into the relationship that needs to be part of the negotiation. Agreed Like where are you in your sex section of your life, pie?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2:What do you want that to look like? Where are you at, so that you can decide if you're on the same level with each other? I agree, because when you don't have that conversation and you're not on the same level, it causes a point of contention, a possible point of contention. I agree, and then it just fully starts to feed into the. You're not satisfying my needs. That's what the man says.
Speaker 2:And then the female's like, oh my God, I'm not satisfying his needs. He's what the man says. And then the female's like, oh my God, I'm not satisfying his needs, he's going to dump me, he's going to drop me, and it further feeds into that.
Speaker 1:Well, and the side of that too is you know how many times we have we men, when we get in having sex and the woman faked it, and so we thought we did it right.
Speaker 2:Right faked it, and so we thought we did it right, right, exactly because that's another big one.
Speaker 2:If any man says they can tell if you're faking it, they're lying that's right, because then, especially if you're good at faking it it gives them false data it does, and they then think that what they did worked, and so they're going to go back and try that again, because they want to provide pleasure for you and them. And if it didn't work and you fake it. You're just giving them false data and you're going to have to relive that over and over.
Speaker 1:I think we should really really talk about this topic on a couple of podcasts and get into it deep over and over. I think we should really really talk about this topic on a couple of podcasts and over and over again.
Speaker 2:And did I say over again?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you did, yeah, you said it like three times.
Speaker 2:So it's a must. You have to tell him. As a female, you have to be able to tell him yeah, you know what I love you so much, but whatever you're doing, then you're working. It's not really working for me. Can we try something different?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Or if you're not able to have that type of conversation, create a word, create a like what's up Hand signal. Like you know, there's gotta be some indication of being able to say right, I don't really care for that. Can we try something different, correct? Or on the other side of that, if he is doing something that you like, wasabi, that's, that's.
Speaker 1:The safe word is wasabi. I was just playing. If it don't feel good, you go wasabi. If you really liked it, you can say wasabi. But hey, we've got to close this up. We're getting long here, so listen, pay attention, we will. We will bring up this topic again because this can be, this could be a long series. You know spiritual sex and the topic because I think it's an important thing in today's world to really bring up, because it's not on the forefront anymore. You don't hear a lot of people talking about it.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:And you definitely don't hear parents talking to kids. Now they're teaching it in school, and if I was you, I wouldn't want my kids to learn about sex from a perfect stranger.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean right, but you can't. I mean choose your battles.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, anyway. So, hey guys, we do have the shop will be open, I promise you. I have a new pewter now so I will get it up and running. That is the salty tarot dot, my Shopify dot com. And we got Jenny has made some Oracle cards and some tarot cards that are going to be on that shop, along with our merch from our from the spiritual grind merch, and our Web site, www, that the Merck centers dot org, that's MERCemerccentersorg, that's M-E-R-C-C-E-N-T-E-R-Sorg. We are on all of the channels. Now we're going to start putting out video. I'm going to try to get a video posted this week, at least one or two. And then, of course, we have Jenny's new book out, scripted from Within. It is available on Amazon and KDP. And then my book is out as well, um sales energy method. If you're in the sales business, it will teach you a whole different way to look at sales and how to handle it differently. It too is on Amazon and KDP. And then pay attention, we have the granny grandma's coming out.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We have the my new book called unlocked the granny grandma's coming out. Yeah, we have the my new book called unlocked. It's about unlocking your internal potential and it's got my story in it, so my story is might be surprising to you yeah, yeah, so yeah, lots of things in the works and pay attention, because, man, I think the most exciting thing for me this is going to be lots of fun.
Speaker 2:You mean, aside from the computer? The app? Yeah, we have an app in development I'm not ready to talk about that yet.
Speaker 1:But y'all pay attention. We'll give you more on that in the future. Don't forget to like, follow and share, and all this is going to be all intermingled, by the way. Don't forget to like, follow and share. And, hey, leave a comment, because you know that changes the algorithm and it really helps us. So if you listen to the podcast, put a comment down at the bottom, tell us you hated that. I don't care, just put something down there. Or tag one of your friends in it. Or if there's a topic in it that you like, like, uh, like, uh, you could do a hashtag spiritual sex. You know that that could be a topic.
Speaker 2:It's a trending topic. If there's a topic that you want to discuss or a question that you have that you want to dive deep into and go down the rabbit hole and for yous that don't know.
Speaker 1:For yous, I said that like a For yous that don't know dog. I said that like I was from a New York gang or something the views, something the views. But if you don't know, you can actually hold you. If you're on your phone, you can actually hold down the podcast and it'll pop up to the screen in the description and it has a share button. So you can hit that share button and you can put it on your facebook if there's one you really like, and you can put it on your instagram.
Speaker 1:anywhere you can message it to somebody yeah all with that little share button, and that share button looks like a little arrow like this you got a little dot in the middle right there, and you can share that with your friends.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:But anyway. So we appreciate you all listening and watching now, and don't forget to like, follow and share and, if you'd like, comment on the difference in our tan.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's rude.
Speaker 1:You're in our tan, oh, that's rude.
Speaker 2:You're a cheater when it comes to that. Hey don't forget. Yeah, ring the bell, ring the bell, don't forget to ring the bell. Hey, y'all have an awesome day. Love you. We'll see you next time.
