The Spiritual Grind
Dr. Jenni PhD,RN,CHLC,CH and medium and Rev. James ORD, MhsB have spent countless years studying and practicing many modalities within the "Spiritual" domain. Dr. Jenni has dedicated her life to helping others by attending countless schools and developing each of her practices and strategies. Rev. James has studied many modalities and Native American practices and they have Both decided to open their library of knowledge to share this information with everyone in a down to earth style, with hope to assist in making your journey easier and more abundant.
The Spiritual Grind
Navigating Relationship Contrast: Part 2
Ever wonder why the same conflicts keep showing up in your relationships? The answer lies in understanding contrast—that natural friction between two different people—and how it serves your growth rather than hinders it.
Contrast isn't something to avoid but rather a powerful tool for evolution. When you understand what you don't want, you gain clarity about what you do want. This podcast explores how defensiveness in relationships often stems not from ego but from harsh self-judgment. When your partner points out something that triggers you, they're simply holding up a mirror to something within you that's ready to be examined.
The key is changing your perspective. Instead of viewing feedback as an attack, try seeing it as an exciting opportunity to evolve. Remember that your partner agreed, both in this human relationship and before, to be the messenger who brings awareness to your blind spots. This doesn't mean all relationships are healthy—we briefly touch on recognizing truly problematic situations—but in most loving partnerships, your significant other truly has your highest good in mind.
Learning to approach contrast with curiosity rather than resistance transforms not just your relationship dynamics but your whole experience of life. As we say in the episode, "You're always perfect, but never done." The goal isn't to eliminate contrast but to dance with it more gracefully, using each trigger point as a stepping stone toward greater understanding and connection.
Ready to transform how you view relationship challenges? Listen now and discover why what triggers you most might be your greatest opportunity for growth.
We're back on air. For some reason we had a technical difficulty there.
Speaker 2:Yep, whatever was being talked about. Obviously it wasn't time for that to be out there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we still have to edit this together. I don't know what caused that.
Speaker 2:Of course you do.
Speaker 1:Well, of course, we were talking about a topic that needed to be stopped, I reckon.
Speaker 1:I reckon so but anyway. So the contrast that we were talking about previously I think, moving on to the next subject, because obviously we weren't supposed to talk about that is the fact that contrast is a natural part of evolution, Because if you don't know what you don't want, you won't ever know what you do want, and the contrast in between those is what helps identify those. And so understanding that contrast in a relationship happens is a big stepping stone in a relationship, do you agree?
Speaker 2:Contrast is always a big stepping stone in every aspect. That's what gives us the navigational standpoint of creating exactly what we want. So contrast is just a part of the whole divine mechanism.
Speaker 1:I agree, I totally agree. And so when you experience a contrast in a relationship, being prepared for that takes a couple of things. A is you have to check your ego. What?
Speaker 3:does that?
Speaker 1:mean you can't. Don't let your ego get in the way of what the words that you're hearing by saying being coming defensive. I think your ego is what fuels the defensiveness.
Speaker 2:No, no, it's not your ego, it's your judgment of yourself that causes the defensiveness to come in. You're viewing yourself as though you did something wrong, or as though you did something incorrectly or you didn't do it. Good enough, it's a self-judgment.
Speaker 2:It's not about your ego necessarily. It's that what happens is when you judge yourself and you scold yourself or get onto yourself for not doing it correctly or doing it perfectly. If you have a hard time looking at yourself and really becoming accountable for that and saying, okay, this is about me judging myself and I'm okay with everything that happens, getting to that place of knowing that it's happening in exactly and precisely the way that it's supposed to happen. If you're not okay looking at yourself and being accountable, then you'll take and you'll project that off onto other people.
Speaker 1:And twisted around.
Speaker 2:Other groups, other things, and more times than not, in our intimate relationships with our partners, significant others, husbands, wives, whatever, we tend to do that more easily because it's impolite to do it to strangers or unprofessional to do it to non-intimate people, and so we tend to deflect that off if we're not willing to look at that. And so we tend to deflect that off if we're not willing to look at that. And so we're a lot meaner or harsher on the people that live in our house on a regular basis or that we're around on a regular basis, because we can be unprofessional or we can be impolite if we're not willing to look at ourselves.
Speaker 1:Agree, I agree.
Speaker 2:So then what happens is that person says, oh well, you're being judgmental and I'm going to go in the defense, or I'm a victim because you're doing this to me, and you get wrapped up in all of that, when the reality is is that it's you judging your own self is why you feel that way, right, and not ready to look at it or be accountable for you're doing it to yourself.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:The person's not doing it.
Speaker 2:I agree they were just the triggering mechanism that comes up to you, and it was a beneficial opportunity. You know it. It feels a lot better and it's a lot more easier to digest when you can get to a place of looking at it, of wow, this is so exciting. I am so glad that you brought that up and I'm glad that it bumped up against that spot, because that means it's ready to be looked at. I'm at a place where I can actually look at it and clean it up and I won't ever have to have that be a bump up against spot again. So look at me evolve and getting excited about that from that perspective, rather than a oh my God, I have to work on myself again. Oh my Lord, is this ever going to be done? Am I ever going to be freaking perfect? That's a much different energy.
Speaker 1:You're always perfect, but never done.
Speaker 2:Right, that's not what the game is about. You didn't come here to get it done.
Speaker 1:Because I am perfect.
Speaker 2:Indeed, you are perfectly perfect in every way.
Speaker 1:I am Not done, but perfect.
Speaker 2:That's right, and we'll never get it done.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:That's not the purpose. If that were the purpose, then you would go to sleep and not wake up. You would go into your spiritual aspect and you would go back to your natural state of being.
Speaker 1:Interesting. It's a good topic. It's a good topic. I think it brings to the table some room for thought for people and allows them to be maybe have a little bit more clear direction in relationships when it comes to the contrast, because it will happen, because you're two different individuals. It's not I mean it's it's naive to go through life and think that you're never going to have any contrast.
Speaker 2:And be appreciative of that other person and be appreciative that they are willing to be that character for you. And what do I mean by that? What I mean is is that I'm very appreciative that you agreed, in our non-human form, to be that person that will bring to me, when I am not aware of things that I could clean up and change my reality. Being that person that is willing to bring that to my awareness. I'm very grateful for that, because sometimes being that person is not the easy journey.
Speaker 1:I agree.
Speaker 2:Especially if it's a highly charged area that is going to cause me to go into a place of self-harsh self-judgment and make me angry or make me frustrated or make me sad or one of those heavier emotions. It's an opportunity to clean it up, but I am a human as well and so sometimes there'll be things that you bring up and I am absolutely not willing to look at them and I will be frustrated, mad sad some sort of emotion within it.
Speaker 2:And I and I have to just take that. And so, as the re, as the re, as the, what are you?
Speaker 1:The re, the re, re. You said as as the re, as the re.
Speaker 2:I wonder what that word means in another language.
Speaker 1:Apparently.
Speaker 2:Set my alien side, trying to communicate alien language.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no.
Speaker 2:As the giver of that information, then it is sometimes a challenge to know that this information that I'm about to give to this person is not going to be well received, because they have some deep-seated stuff around that steel and they quite possibly could lash out at me it's hard to be in those shoes.
Speaker 1:Great, I agree, and it's it's hard to be on both sides of it.
Speaker 2:I am appreciative, as the receiver of that information, that you're willing to put yourself in those shoes so that I can have the opportunity to see some of that garbage that's ready to come up and come out and give me the opportunity to be aware of it. I'm very grateful that you're willing to do that no matter how challenging it is.
Speaker 1:Well, no, I appreciate that you are too.
Speaker 2:And so if you can be in that place, little.
Speaker 1:Johnny shut the door. Sorry, that's her. He's opening the door, trying to get your attention.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we've it's God, help me Mama.
Speaker 3:Look at me, I'm over here.
Speaker 2:Yes, mama, I got a question for you Well, being quiet means that you don't talk. I'm whispering. I told you you could stay in the studio if you could be quiet.
Speaker 3:I have a question. I have a question.
Speaker 2:What is your question? What?
Speaker 3:are we going to act as? What Are we going to be? An actor, because you said that we were going to act as, but you didn't say what we were going to act as. What are we going to do?
Speaker 2:Mama, I'm excited, right now you're acting as an annoyance to me.
Speaker 3:I want to be an actor. I can be Brad Pitt, I can be Batman. Can I do that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but not right now. I want to talk to those people out in the world about topics that are helpful.
Speaker 1:Little Johnny, go back over there and sit down and quit acting that way.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, papa, I'm sorry Mama, mama. Yes, if we act, we as what?
Speaker 2:Act however you want, I guess.
Speaker 3:You said act we as.
Speaker 2:Don't act like an ass.
Speaker 3:You said a dirty word. You go get pow-pows From Papa.
Speaker 1:Little Johnny, now quit Go sit down over there.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, papa, I'm talking to Mama. Little Johnny, you go over there. Little Johnny, little Johnny's my name. I want you's name. Okay, little Johnny, let us finish up. Go sit down over there Little. Johnny, little Johnny's my name, I want you's name.
Speaker 1:Okay, Little Johnny, let us finish up. Go sit down over there.
Speaker 3:Go ahead, go sit down. Yes, sir, I'll be quiet.
Speaker 2:God, help me, dear Lord give me wings, so I can fly far, far away from it.
Speaker 1:Sorry guys, that's little Johnny. He's our godson and he's visiting this week.
Speaker 2:He's not a real person. Y'all I'm real. This is just my husband who hasn't taken his medication.
Speaker 3:I'm real. I'm real. Did you get your coffee gum?
Speaker 2:Help.
Speaker 3:Why do you need help? I help you, Mama Help.
Speaker 2:Well, you need help.
Speaker 3:I help you, ma'am Help.
Speaker 2:I help you this is my husband liking to play with the buttons, yeah, I can play with the buttons.
Speaker 1:I found a new one I can play with. It's kind of fun. Yeah, it's kind of fun. There you go. I feel pretty complete about today's podcast. Thank you all for letting me entertain you for a minute, because that was kind of fun for me, that's good, do you want to do a little quick recap?
Speaker 2:yeah, we can do a recap since we went in some crazy directions we have, and we had a little audio. I'm not sure what the technical thing is gonna do whenever we have the editor edit this, so it might be beneficial to kind of recap.
Speaker 1:So recap, and we were discussing being prepared for contrast, because contrast is a part of our being and, in a relationship, understanding that the contrast is not a targeted attack. Or maybe it's on you or you're giving it to somebody else, being open and receptive to it without your emotions within it. Targeted attack or maybe it's on you or you're giving it to somebody else, being open and receptive to it without your emotions within it is one of the easiest ways to handle that, do you agree?
Speaker 2:And that's what you mean by being prepared.
Speaker 1:Yes, be prepared. Have your go into anything that rings your bell with the open mind of okay. So this has made me angry. Why did it make me angry and why am I taking it as that? It's wrong. Stop and open your mind. Look at it.
Speaker 3:Look at yourself. Look at yourself.
Speaker 1:And be thankful, then remember that the reality is happening for you, not to you, and I think that I have to remind myself of that all the time. Right, were you, not to you? And I think that I have to remind myself of that all the time Right Remember who.
Speaker 2:I think the other key sometimes we forget in a relationship is, especially when you've been together for a while. You've got to remember who this person is.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And they always have your highest and best interest at heart. If and I paused, here's why I paused there are some relationships and don't get me wrong there are some relationships out there that are truly not healthy, that are truly difficult to, and it brings up questions of should I even be in the relationship? Is there verbal abuse going on? Is there physical abuse going on? Is there physical abuse going on? And you did create those realities and may In a rabbit hole situation, you created even those, but we're not going to go into that.
Speaker 2:If you find yourself in those kinds of relationships, you still can only change you within it and you got to make some heavy decisions, but we'll talk about that in a different podcast, because those are a little bit different to navigate. Whenever you're the victim of, a perceived victim of physical abuse or verbal abuse, you got to go about those in a little bit different direction. But for the most part, your partner has your best interest at heart and truly does lovely love you and and you have to remind yourself of that this is this he's not doing a an attack towards me. He's sharing this information because somewhere in our existence he said I will give you information as it comes up along the journey that will help in your evolution and your growth totally if it bothers you.
Speaker 1:It's an agreement between two people, completely and understanding that you both made this agreement not only in this human flesh shoot but also prior to coming here well, I was going to go in one other okay, go ahead unless the person bringing about the information is coming from a place of judgment or a place of expecting or you know.
Speaker 2:I guess what I'm saying is if I come at you and I say you're not doing that right and it's stupid the way that you're doing it, I don't like the way you make me feel, right yeah. That's you not looking at your own self as to why you feel the way you feel, and you're coming into the conversation already delivering information that is not from the best place.
Speaker 1:Right If they're playing their emotions against you and using the blame game, I think is one of the best way to identify that Correct If they're saying you did this and it caused me to feel this way.
Speaker 2:Because, even if they're gaslighting you, because they're coming from a place that's not Gaslighting you, because they're coming from a place that's not completely loving because of their things that they're needing to clear, if you're not, also don't have something that can of neutrality, because it's not triggering anything for you.
Speaker 1:It's their journey.
Speaker 2:And so it's okay to say okay, I'm sorry you feel that way and you can either participate in the conversation or you can walk away and say not my business, not my bubble. When you get done throwing a fit in the floor, then I'll have a conversation with you. But if it's, if you feel like your knee jerk place is wanting to jump in and start a full on brawl with them, then you've got stuff to look at as well.
Speaker 1:Agreed. So, yeah, I agree with you that if it pops in your reality, then there is something for you to look at and just know that, even if it's an emotionally charged conversation, that there's something there for both of you probably, or one of you, it really is just being prepared and open to it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, on the recap, I think we're just kind of going over how to create a beneficial and maybe healthier way to communicate on topics that maybe were perceived as hard topics to talk about.
Speaker 1:Yes, and those topics can be sometimes tough man, even for us. We have issues with them sometimes.
Speaker 2:Do you need to Kleenex, because they're all over the floor.
Speaker 1:That was random.
Speaker 2:You said issue.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I wanted to say bless you.
Speaker 1:Oh, you know you're right. You're right, issue it's you. Do we need little Johnny to come back and pick him up? No, he can come pick up the tissues.
Speaker 2:No, so what's the story about the Kleenexes all over the floor?
Speaker 1:That's your cat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we have the little Plumlee girl. She's a movie star in the making. She likes to come into the studio and hang around because it's a nice, calm, quiet place Not all the cats always get along so she comes in here for her quiet reprieve, away from everybody. Well, apparently she gets bored, or she's created a new game with the Kleenex and the Kleenex box and I came in the other day and the box is off of James's table and it's on the floor and all of the Kleenexes have been plucked out, one or two at a time, and they are literally scattered about the entire studio. Some of them ripped up, some of them chewed on, kind of like a dog, and they're just scattered about like it was a game.
Speaker 1:When I let her in here the other day and I poked my head and looked, she was actually laying and rubbing on them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they must have some sort of smell or something I don't know, I'm not sure why, anyway, have some sort of smell or something. I don't know, I'm not sure why, anyway, um, perhaps I'll take a picture and have our um social media, gal chloe, post it so that you all can see, um yeah, what it looks like, because it's quite comical it is anyway, we'll put a picture of little Johnny up one day too.
Speaker 1:Anyway, hey, I feel complete with the podcast, do you? Yeah, hey, thank you all for listening, like, follow and share. Don't forget to leave us a comment and don't forget to Ring that bell. May you all have the most awesome day ever.
Speaker 2:Love ya, love ya. We'll see you next time.
